haha i think this song is really funny!! shes so expressive and its so like,, full of life, and i really like the country music background music ! : )
" so go and tell your friends that i;m obsessive and, crazy thats fine i;ll tell mine that you;re GAY!!!!" she sings,.
haha,, today i ate at this korean food place in je with nel;kx and yf. LOLZ, its pretty fun considering that i had three people to entertain me with their funny conversation. one of them said to another one " i will rape you upside down"
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! almost choked on rice when i heard it. LOL@
anyways.............. . .
haha i guess i was thinking too much about the physics spa that i was actually sleep talking to my mum,
yup, i was holding the notes and then repeatedly reading through it again and again , when i decided that i should just lay back and recite. of course, being a student you may have experienced falling asleep once or twice whilst doing so. My flesh was so willing ,yet my brain was not, i kept thinking about oscillations the whole time i was asleep.
my mom then tapped on my shoulder to try waking me up,, and when i woke up, i started to show some kind of hand signal , with my eyes still closed , i said to her
" oh ,, the box will still oscillate this manner, from the left to the right", showing a hand signal of my straightened palm oscillating from left to right.
lol.
been laughing like some kind of man recently. here are a series of random thoughts i had the past week, i;m so busy/tired / cannot be bothered such that i didn;t turn on the comp at all
i'm a tad disappointed because i am forgetting everything i have studied and i realized that my chem foundation is like its built on sand .
nugget, i;m a tad irritated that i didn;t hit my mark for my physics test which i thought i grasped the concept of .. not hitting the mark means that i need to spend more time on physics.
i am kinda sad cos some of my friends only bother about what i can offer to them. 너 친구 맞아?! the friends that i had are forgetting me the people i call friends just look for me when they need help ; thats damn sad
i;m really disapproving cos,, just because others may be in elite schools or OH THE BEST SCHOOL EVER, it would mean that they are in any way superior to anyone else
i don;t want to believe that people are born with an advantage., but it says " some people are better than others so that they can lead them " ....... nugget
i mean sometimes i understand how come we put in effort to do our tutorials, we still don;t score well.
i criticize too much
i;m confused cos the values held by some people, the way they talk really stumbles me and i wonder how it would affect other people.
i;m really hyped ~!! cos i keep thinking and squealing to sharon and hl how we should go for overseas programs just to see how; its like to study overseas!!!
i feel fat, self explanatory.
i;m feel guilty because i keep doing the wrong things and even though i am fully aware that i am doing something bad, but i continue. is it , conscious sinning ? . mistake or sin ?
steady hand just take my pen, [ tune of STOP AND STARE@] i can;t be bothered about messy handwriting at the moment. i thought only kids bothered about handwriting -__-@
what we could have been, 6:12 AM.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
kkkk anthony Padilla ~!! hahaha
anywayssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss today was a short day cos mr chua canceled physics class : ) yay short days!
i studied at the library with sharon and hl left us a short while after
sigh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i don;t know, why do i do something which people obviously have the flair for and i don;t its like i am not even destined for such things but i have to follow it applies to other things, why do i even do it , when i know that i won;t be as good as someone else who does it doi, they say you won;t know till you try,
sigh, so maybe i am still trying, some people try for a short while to realize that they are good at it, and maybe for others, they spend a long while. Perhaps i still am " trying"
"if you just realize , if you just realize"
never mind,,
you know, after so long, its not even one,,, , ,, not even one lei!........................... my efforts don;t seem to pay off.. . . .
whatever man, just do whatever you want.
i am a strong person
i just want some hugs,,,,,,,,,,,
what we could have been, 5:15 AM.
Friday, April 18, 2008
JC pushes us to step outside of our comfort zones and makes us push ourselves to our limits. Its quite fun honestly, at least i think i really prefer this system than other alternatives as i can;t really imagine having project work X 10 per year.
yeah, and constantly feeling really depressed is one of such consequence. Been falling in and out of this depressed state for quite sometime now.. . . ... . but its ok ~~~.. .. Subsequently, other indicators are loss of sleep, SEEMINGLY BUSY ALL THE TIME, insomnia, cranky behavior, disheveled looks, SO ON AND SO FORTH Or else, we are perfectly fine people. Of course not everyone exhibit such behaviors and experience such changes.
i guess our Schedules and heavy workload makes us cranky, we laugh uncontrollably now, we laugh at the smallest things , but still, its really fun when people do everything with you, work hard together, play hard together.
our slight crankiness was evident from friday's blood donation. while we took the lamest most meaningful excuse to skip econs just for a blood donation. While waiting for our turns, all the girls were laughing and feeling really excited, i don;t know why,. lol i think its the first time u see a group of 6 most anxious girls giggling excitedly before donating blood. See zhou jie lun also never giggle until like that leh, i;m kidding.
haha sharon says that its really exciting cos we are donating part of our us/something important to us that can save someone else;s live. hahahahaha!! we;re so proud to declare that we are donors . Yep you can see SOME of my penmanship on the left piece !!! Hhahhaha
so yeah, we;re noobs, first timers LEI. Lol, waiting for turn only still smile smile getting some blood sample only still smile smile. Hn and Gwendo. waiting for turn also laugh laugh. Same type of hair band also smile smile. hahaha i wanted to take a picture of the bag of blood alone, but that would be quite pointless. So anyway this is daph and her bag of blood right below the chair. See that deep red bag there, yeah thats part of whats in daphne's inside. hhhhh
haha happy blood donors recuperating and showing off our gaudy bandages. Lol,
Sharon says " ee, i don;t like the pink one leh, i think it looks really lao tu" [ i think thats what she said"
next thing we knew, she emerged out of the room with this pink bandage.
laughs.
haha i bet you;ve never seen a group of people who donates blood as happily as we did. lol Smiling ear to ear Eye to eye.
hhhh today i went for training in the morning, and then the group of us had SUBWAY,! yay i shared a ~~~ sandwich with huishin, and this marks my 5th subway meal of the week -0-. This whole subway thing is getting wAYYYYYYYYY out of hand, But i still like it : ) lol
i went to the library with the initial intention to pia with my beloved younger sis, but then i just ended up being her delivery woman for a double chocolate chip cookie. Yep, she left and i stayed to study with some seniors, claramanda and b.han. kk at least i managed to accomplish some work there before i headed down to EXPO for special service with Dr Kim Sung Hae!
너무 좋아요!!!!
Her message was really meaningful, and you could really feel something different in the atmosphere, i was really glad that i went for it. She emphasized that we must Rely on God to do things , and truly without God i am nothing. Sometimes the reason why i can;t seem to solve a problem is because i;m trying to hard to solve it with my own strength. i;m really thankful that this week , i could truly understand and learn to appreciate not having the thing that is absent in my life. i don;t think i would like to type everything here .
anyway next week is a new week, and i am prepared to chiong! haha !! huilian and sharon lets nu li fen dou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, i decided not to let how other people behave or the social norms affect what i am or how i am, sometimes i find myself just trying so hard to fit in that i forget who i am myself, nope, i should not do that . even though i am not born smart, i must not let it cripple me. . . . . working harder is the only way out.
what we could have been, 7:37 AM.
Monday, April 14, 2008
first, i shall reply to WANTINGs tag LOL
A. list 7 habits/quirks/facts abt urself. 1. i am very bad at remembering specific Terms. Eg name of a formula, but i know how to use the formula. 2. i don;t get sick of songs easily , i can listen to one a thousand times over and still like it 3. i like to make people around me happy even though i am not ? lol i don;t know~ 4. i am very easily convinced. 5. I improvise better than i create 6. I don;t have a definite way of being. 7. um when i feel really low on self esteem i would try to walk with my head held up high?
B. tag 7 people to do the same. C. do nt tag the person hu tagged you or say tt u tag "huever wants 2 do it"
HAHAHA i won;t say HUEVER wants to do it just whoever wants to do it, please do it Lol!! i think everyone is really busy so i shan;t make them do it. hh
OK~
past week has been pretty tough, sick and stuff , my eyelid is still twitching and STILL no a single pinch of good luck, i;m tired beat and exhausted, my brains are not working kk..
today i had the INITIAL intention to skip school however,the FINAL decision was to go for school instead. i;m FORCED by my circumstances INCREASE in overdued homework = HOMEWORK given[supplied ] - HOMEWORK DONE by me
yes, and losing the momentum of doing tutorials/ studying hard would get me nowhere. haha ok fine i am trying to hard. yes .. i tried spending the weekend to study physics. Apparently i think that the conservation of energy doesn;t apply for me the more i rest , the more tired i feel sometimes.. but still. i love school! its really fun with people around. hahah ~ : ) and being busy makes me forget unhappy things in my life. hh
yeah this weekend was horrible. i fell asleep on my CHAIR for to nights in a row -0-@ horrible, i tried to read physics and i was memorizing a definition and i decided that " i shall close my eyes and recite ," while lying on the back rest of my not-so- comfortable arm chair.
yep i woke up a few hours later, numb all over. haha at the end of the weekend and before the test, i only managed to not so thoroughly finish reading through half the chapters.
the test today was tricky -0-....... well, at least the some of the concepts i read through were applicable.
ANYWAY since i have not ranted or what so ever since i don;t know when i shall now post one for the sake of remembering some stuff. hahah
MAXEL! OUR HOMEBOY! OUR MAN! haha
haha we are sO BUSY that we cannot even visit OUR BOY MAXEL!!!! right HL? lol
i really want to post tonnes of unfortunately my computer is REALLY SLOW. faster than my brain still, but its still damn slow -0-!
our class wore the class tshirt on friday! designed by our very own GWENDOROUS [ glamarous] hahaha!!! people were trying to read our chests, and they later asked "BLACKJACK ? :"
yup, no one other than our ingenious gwen,m the designer of this shirt, related s TWENTYONE to BLACKJACK! haha!
PICS! POSERS. kidding. lol on the first day , our class damn united lah. Wear same shirt,queue up at same stall some more. haha fendy the nerd BOI imitating an extremist group that have rad ideologies nelson xiao xiao one.
xiaoxiao VS yifeng LOL
hahahah
anyway i have been really hooked onto this song. the lyrics are pretty meaningful especially this sentence
"Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help"
i think that in your life, really, you are the only one who can really believe in yourself when no one else does or is willing to.
yeah i am going to learn how to love myself. lol
lol!
btw,! i want to create a new blog.
which do you think is the nicest looking nick hahaha
i was thinking of how cliche ones would be like
DEPRESSEDGIRL90! LOL thats funny, but of course i would not consider this one as an option anyway.
hahaha this song suddenly sounds nice to me , hh~: )
you know, since the starting of this week ( on monday) . My left eyelid kept on twitching [ until today] .
and you know, there is this saying which goes about saying that , when your left eyelid is like twitching, it means that something good is going to happen to you, and if its your right eyelid that is twitching, it means that something terrible is going to come your way.
SOOOOOOOOOO My left eyelid was twitching involuntarily right? so it should mean that something good would happen to me. IRONICALLYYYYYYYY this week was a really crappy week for me.
On tuesday i was kinda embarrassed by this uncle at the bus station! ON Wednesday , i was cheated and reprimanded by a flipping CABBIE. On Thursday this Mrt station attendent was totally rude to me by rejecting me and my fifty bill. all three of them, INSENSITIVE uncles..
on tuesday, i actually fell sick-_-, i had a terrible throat and i was feeling really giddy, by wednesday i was depressed for the entire day. it was so bad that i was actually tearing when mr chua was explaining to me HOW the potential at every point in every plane actually varies. haha.
I felt myself going back to my old ways. the days where i used to get irritated at mr TAN , my secondary school physics teacher, when i couldn;t understand what was going on. It was precisely this attitude which i harbored in my secondary three days that made mr tan speak to me and asked me to change. I was really impacted by what he said, He told me that if i wanted answers, it was not the way to get irritated and impatient. Instead i should be more composed and ask again.
sigh i cannot go back to my old ways!!!
anywy i was so depressed and it got so bad that i was actually tearing during the math lecture too -_- ,!!!, , ,sucker. i don;t know, i guess i was filling my mind up with all the negative things that i was so depressed. To add on to my depression, i was really impatient as i couldn;t even understand the VECTORS Lecture.
i am so sorry to myself for being so impatient with myself .
to top off the terrible wednesday, i took the wrong bus , and i met that unhappy incident with that stupid cabbie.
I don;t get how come i must always do double the work and put in double the effort for everything i do. For instance , i really practiced hard for this minor math test i had on thursday, esp the regression stuff, and in the end , i was really careless with my regression question for the minor test. Its not the marks on the test that matter to me, its just that i cannot stand the fact that i am so careless even though i was prepared. Nugget, but its ok, its more important to learn from my mistake. learnnnnnnnnn~
So the whole twitching of THE LEFT eyelid didn;t really work . I guess for me it might have been the other way round instead ? perhaps twitching my right eye would be better.
Luckily for friday , my series of unfortunate unhappy events took a turn. Yeah! i am satisfied with my pw results! i cannot believe my eyes still. Praise the lord.
oh well! my left eyelid is still twitching,,lol! Considering the fact that this week has been really unlucky and crappy for me -_-, i really hope it means that good things would happen to me., hahah
twitch twitch twitch.
hahaha!! twitchy eyes bring me good luck please.
ps. i;m really sorry to those who i got annoyed with this week. PS PHYSICS REALLY IS DIFFICULT -0-
brain, don;t fail me now !
what we could have been, 5:59 AM.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
quit insulting me or whatever just because i am more expressive and open about what i feel and think, and perhaps just cos i criticize more openly than other girls. because i am different,It doesn;t mean that you can just insult me freely.
JERK.
other than that, everything else is fine for me
haha toady;s study session at subway was pretty annoying for me, PRETTY cos i had a cold cut trio with sharon and its really fun to study with her
annoying ,... , partially due to my sore throat that was killing me mainly due to the fact that i couldn;t solve so many physics questions. partially due to my messy hair that was making me feel really draggy. my eyelid keeps twitching [ is this the right word to describe it ? ] i keep hunching and its hurting my back really badly and i feel really lousy about myself after having sit for hours .
I WAited about 30 mins or so for the flippin bus and later being reprimanded by the flipping uncle at the station when i asked him what time the stupid bus was going to come. I merely asked this question and he kinda answered me in this reprimanding tone, as if i was his daughter who accidentally crushed his pretty toe nails. gees, yup he had to shout at me, THROUGH THE MICROPHONE,, saying " THE BUS MEETING WITH A JAM AT VIVO CITY and the bus uncle having to take a rest first before starting his shift again. " and then i nodded and said ok becuase the speakers in wihch was connected to HIS mic was blasting and everyone around could hear what he was saying. fish.
firstly, its not as if what he said answers what time the bus is going to come. sheesh ,i didn;t even blame him or anything ok , i merely questioned.
SECONDLY, he had to embarrass me by angrily blabbering through the mic.
no wonder people create more robots.robot uncles don;t have to rest much no wonder "Singapore scored 68.7 out of 100 last year in the first nationwide measure of customer satisfaction, called "Customer Satisfaction Index for Singapore," lower compared to South Korea scored 72 and the United States scored 75 on the same scale."
i am an unsatisfied customer nugget.
haha, aiyah i know i keep blaming my situation. i should be doing something about the things i am not satisfied with. Like , take some medicine! THINK HARDER. and go get a hair cut!
yeah maybe i should take more action, but sometimes the thing with us is that , we can identify whats wrong and yet somethings are just out of out circle of control.
SIGH,. nope she did;t heave a sigh of relief. she sighed heavily. thats more like it .
i want to wear a back brace so that i can bloody sit straight i want to peel off my skin so that those hideous scars will go away i want to wear a wig so that i don;t have to bother about my unkempt hair anymore aiyah................ having a physical body is so annoying. pfft. i wanna replace my voiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
SIGH
just study and concentrate
haha btw,, praise the lord!! i only have ONE paper 1 paper right after DJ ;s wedding, and its my very last paper! :)hehehehhehee to the fortune teller, you;ll be let off easy on this one.
what we could have been, 8:14 AM.
Monday, April 7, 2008
OMTIANZZZZZ I FOUND THE SITE OF THIS REALLY AWESOME PHOTOGRAPHER!!!
haha ok lah , its my sister's.. haha my sister takes great pictures : ) and has one of the most interesting writing styles i;ve seen.
TODAY,
i smoked through the econs test , So much to write, yet not so sure what to write, and cannot choose what to write. i;ll let myself off on this one.
haha huilian showed me something funny today. miss lim wrote " YEAH and YAY!!!" on her test paper today. and right beside it, she wrote " EITHER ONE " ... lol anyway lianzi !! Congrats on doing well!! hahaha geek club de ! lets work hard man. woman. : )
anyways!! i studied at subway with sharon today. Sharon;s really funny, i am starting to feel that i;m influencing her with the whole HUH thing when we don;t get the answers .. hhhh
NORMALLY... its like this.
KK. furiously pressing away on the caculator... looks slightly disturbed... messes up hair a little and looks a tad flustered... !" !!! what the @,, i don;t believe i can;t get the answer!"
sharon. pressing gently on the caculator. type type type type type , press press.... "HUH?! "
hahaha
funny~ lol.
Subway is surprisingly a nice new spot to mug! first, its not as noisy as the actual subways. Secondly, the seats are not pathetically small like the other fast food joints. The seats at the other fast food joints either want to indicate to you that you are getting too big for the chair cos of that unhealthy chunk you;re holding in your hands. or they just want you to feel really uncomfortable so that you won;t occupy the table for a long time. Haha. Sharon and i were busy shifting the tables around to find a comfortable spot. lol. see thats the benefit of not having much people around : ) haha the subbers wonlt give a care about you.
Haha. subway is wayyyyyyy better. Eat fresh! and then you sit there and no one bothers you. haha. best part is that you get to nibble on a nice sugary cookie while mugging . YAY SUBWAY COOKIES.! WHITECHOCOLATE AND DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP; haha thank goodness i dno;t hear anyone bellowing " KK! DONT EAT THAT" from the end of the subway. lol
haha i;m really in a good mood today man, i;m pretty suprised myself! LOL.
gonna clean up some stuff! Chiong man this week : )
what we could have been, 8:47 AM.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
ok since i am like a schizophrenic, i will do whatever a schizophrenic does.. . jumble up their ideas,. hahah i have so much to say! but like,, haha i can;t seem to organize -_- soooooooooo i shall just say whatever i wanna say in no order or what so ever,.
and so hardly ever i am in such a good mood WHILE typing,, so just let me be then,. lol
I watched an episode of the Oprah winfrey show, and this episode featured on love stories. there was one particular love story that made me cry man, i cannot believe it, it was so touching, its not how dramatic the story was , but it was the way the old man expressed his love to his wife on their 50th anniversary. The simplicity of his words was so WOW. Just makes you wanna cry, it was really touching i tell you ,. .
There was also a story about this other couple who have been writing letters to each other for the past fourty years. They express their love in the simplest things, just the small things like " i love you for cleaning the yard today" wow ., yeah EJ is right, sometimes people just don;t seem to show appreciation for the small things. i guess Thats why they feel neglected or like left out. .
ok just something i wanted to remember. . . .
zeneway..........
ITs funny how i can know people from church for a decent four years and yet not made real friends. its funny how i always say i have no time when i actually have time, its just that i keep investing my time in the things which are time wasters.
but all these are going to change, i won;t want to procrastinate anymore
Today, i had dinner at dads. DJ is gonna get married soon, PRAY haRd that its not before my ALevels ~~ *prays* EJ got an interview with NUS which is like WAYYYYYY near my house!! hoho~ so if she studies there then it would be awesome! ting ting seems to be mugging real hard.. like way harder than i did when i was in j1. ahhaha
you know i think its really important to love the people around you, and get used to your environment. i guess thats the reason why i really didn;t study much in j1. i hated the school,,, i hated the environment,, and i was super not used to it .. , yeah,, but i guess i was not adaptive enough,.. sometimes i guess we have to embrace whatever we have and just really quit thinking about what we can;t have and just make do with what we have! haha.
imust learn to be adaptive.
i saw my ideal kind of guy at the void deck! hahah !!! Sigh, you know why i sigh lah huh.
shall not procrastinate shall finish all my work must sleep at least 6.5 hours everyday must do my homework neatly. shall try to study min 4 hrs pday MUST DONATE BLOOD
hahah JUST FIVE!! FIVE MORE
One more time babeh다시한번!
Gosh, i AM really schizo manz.
what we could have been, 9:41 AM.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
i almost forgot how much i liked this song.
i don;t persevere as much as i did before. i don;t put my heart into things i did as much before. all because i was afraid to lose something else.
you were like a conscience and i could listen to you and just like this, i could forget why i did whatever i did. i was living in my own mind, a world which i created and imagined of my own. It was lame, it was stupid and i didn;t even care even if i thought that way about it . i didn;t think and do things that were practical to my own situations. all i know is,, i invested my time and my feelings in the wrong things. No, minor correction, its not invested, its wasted.
Right then i knew that i was heading the wrong direction, i knew i was doing something wrong ,but i let my selfish desires and wants get to me, i told myself that i would work doubly hard to cover up for what i did, to pay back for whatever i did. All so that i could continue to get what i wanted.
At the end of the day, something i want to hold on to seems to be slipping out of my hands even faster than i imagined.
i don;t know if its my mind telling me how i should feel , or its my heart really feeling like this. I wonder if i am sad just because my mind tells me " this is something to be sad about, so you should be sad". I hope it;s the latter because i don;t want to be heartless. Thanks i know i contradict myself when i said that i wanted to lose my feelings.
The problem with me , i want too many things at one go. i was too selfish and greedy. Please erase me clean.
i;m so pathetic.
Nevermind, feelings aside, i shall abandon this chapter of my life once again. yeah i am going to change a blog soon. Not that i can entirely forget what i have done here, but i want a new beginning.
School;s ok, its been fun OBSERVING with sharon lol. Listen to the squeals about maxel and droning voices of lecturers. Lessons are really fun packed man, we get tonnes of knowledge that CAN be processed in our minds. Sadly only a small percent actually goes in. lol
today is april fools. i was pranked by gwendo;s wasabi collon biscuit -0-@ i saw the box and went " hey can i have one ". gwen kinda enthusiastically said to hning " KK WANTS ONE" . quite obvious lah.. i popped one into my mouth and then next moment i knew, there was this strange sensation in my mouth . lol, after school, sharon and i pranked jian.w3n with the last collon. lol/
i;ve been mugging with sharon in the library for the past week. Honestly , its quite fun , we observe other people and we study at the same time. Studying has become rather fruitful and fun with a companion : ). thanks my muggingfriend, i;m so glad to have found you.