Tuesday, February 24, 2009
it raced through the hollow tunnel
the air glided past the perfectly smooth metal surfaces
seemingly cool air rushing into the cabins,
the cold wind brushing against my face through my unkempt hair
clinking steel in an almost fixed , timed frequency.
rustling wind and hollowing winds accompanying the symphony.
futile attempts to be heard, futile attempts to hear.. just almost.
it can;t go on forever, the thought of it made the walls close in on me.
before i knew it, it was over.
its amazing how much peace can be found in noisiest places.
as the day of the verdict closes in
my heart beats in the oddest frequency
perhaps its the uncertainty that makes it so frightening.
perhaps its the time that makes it frightening,
or, the fact that closing dates are close. closing, closed.
but i am certain its the uncertainty.
My younger sister tells me that i should go without any expectations
u wont be disappointed or anything this way.
haha but i am just certain about my breaking point, that's all i am sure about .
my twin says that we should go when everyone's gone.
but it takes away the excitement, the anxiety,. but the reason for taking the results together is so that we act as support for each other, rejoice together and be pillars of strength for each other.
all i know is that whatever happens , i will still love whatever i do no matter what.
the air glided past the perfectly smooth metal surfaces
seemingly cool air rushing into the cabins,
the cold wind brushing against my face through my unkempt hair
clinking steel in an almost fixed , timed frequency.
rustling wind and hollowing winds accompanying the symphony.
futile attempts to be heard, futile attempts to hear.. just almost.
it can;t go on forever, the thought of it made the walls close in on me.
before i knew it, it was over.
its amazing how much peace can be found in noisiest places.
as the day of the verdict closes in
my heart beats in the oddest frequency
perhaps its the uncertainty that makes it so frightening.
perhaps its the time that makes it frightening,
or, the fact that closing dates are close. closing, closed.
but i am certain its the uncertainty.
My younger sister tells me that i should go without any expectations
u wont be disappointed or anything this way.
haha but i am just certain about my breaking point, that's all i am sure about .
my twin says that we should go when everyone's gone.
but it takes away the excitement, the anxiety,. but the reason for taking the results together is so that we act as support for each other, rejoice together and be pillars of strength for each other.
all i know is that whatever happens , i will still love whatever i do no matter what.
what we could have been, 6:42 AM.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
haha
okkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
so i admit, about being on this serious moodswing
haha trying to control it @@@ gosh
anyway today i went to listen to my dad at the chinese toastmasters competition.
really good, i am so awed by my dad.
anyway another week ahead! another step closer, another step higher : )
okkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
so i admit, about being on this serious moodswing
haha trying to control it @@@ gosh
anyway today i went to listen to my dad at the chinese toastmasters competition.
really good, i am so awed by my dad.
anyway another week ahead! another step closer, another step higher : )
what we could have been, 8:19 AM.
Friday, February 20, 2009
just
SHUT THE FUCK UP .
I hate bad hair days
why must we wear clothes?
why do we have hair.
How do people who design the most peculiar looking clothes that are not even practical EARN thousands more than people who sit at the sewing machines doing the intricate work and being underpaid.
===================================================================
What do they even deserve?
SHUT THE FUCK UP .
I hate bad hair days
why must we wear clothes?
why do we have hair.
How do people who design the most peculiar looking clothes that are not even practical EARN thousands more than people who sit at the sewing machines doing the intricate work and being underpaid.
===================================================================
What do they even deserve?
what we could have been, 9:31 AM.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
sigh, sometimes its really hard to segregate your emotions when you do something.
People don't want to learn from your mistakes,
they will/can only learn from their own.
let me tell you, even though i am typing this,this thought may not occur to many people until they experience it for themselves.
i was really angry with myself this morning. argh. insecurities flooding me againnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, , , ,aye..................
mom is having moodswings.
swing swing. . . being quite unreasonable at a certain point of time ..
its annoying me to bits sometimes, but i guess , for every woman in pms, there must be another person at the receiving end who must learn how to laugh at themselves. And that person shall be me. Even though i may hate it ,i guess i shall just learn how to tolerate again! woo
haha
busy busy!! gonna watch slumdog millionare with christine tomz!
- ~ Sometimes we have got more than what we have, even though you may be doing more than what others do,, or sometimes u feel that you are doing things that other people do not even need to do or worry about, don;t feel that life is unfair, be thankful that you are given this opportunity that others are not given. Smile and laugh at yourself for being silly.
People don't want to learn from your mistakes,
they will/can only learn from their own.
let me tell you, even though i am typing this,this thought may not occur to many people until they experience it for themselves.
i was really angry with myself this morning. argh. insecurities flooding me againnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, , , ,aye..................
mom is having moodswings.
swing swing. . . being quite unreasonable at a certain point of time ..
its annoying me to bits sometimes, but i guess , for every woman in pms, there must be another person at the receiving end who must learn how to laugh at themselves. And that person shall be me. Even though i may hate it ,i guess i shall just learn how to tolerate again! woo
haha
busy busy!! gonna watch slumdog millionare with christine tomz!
- ~ Sometimes we have got more than what we have, even though you may be doing more than what others do,, or sometimes u feel that you are doing things that other people do not even need to do or worry about, don;t feel that life is unfair, be thankful that you are given this opportunity that others are not given. Smile and laugh at yourself for being silly.
what we could have been, 7:30 AM.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
THIS IS NOT LOGICCCCCCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its fucking not logic at all!!!!!!!!! ARGghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
its fucking not logic at all!!!!!!!!! ARGghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
what we could have been, 8:24 PM.
요즘 넘바빠요 . . .
people don;t understand whatever that is going on sometimes, but i don;t expect them to.
your heart vs logic.
tough call sometimes.
i;m just gonna try listening to my heart this time
people don;t understand whatever that is going on sometimes, but i don;t expect them to.
your heart vs logic.
tough call sometimes.
i;m just gonna try listening to my heart this time
what we could have been, 8:17 AM.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
i am feeling kinda against the world today,,,,,,,,,,,,,
snappy, snap snap snap.
yesterday i had a dream
In the dream, i was saying
" mom, i have an exam at 8 am today, , , ( the time is 7 now ) . . . "
i was looking for a school shirt to wear, and i was combing the entire closet, rummaging through all the clothes, opening plastic bags of new clothes and i couldn't find a school shirt to wear, mom pulled out a shirt and said here! and i said " no~~1 that is my secondary school shirt" , and the time was about 750, i felt so frantic.
the emotions were so real, and then i woke up,
i don;t know why i have been having such strange dreams recently
anyway a new week, and i have made changes, decided to record down my activities on the untouched planner. Hope it helps me to track my events and how productive i am with my time : )
This week its just , doing things with love, oh how hard it may be.
하이@,. . . 이번에 진짜요. . ..
snappy, snap snap snap.
yesterday i had a dream
In the dream, i was saying
" mom, i have an exam at 8 am today, , , ( the time is 7 now ) . . . "
i was looking for a school shirt to wear, and i was combing the entire closet, rummaging through all the clothes, opening plastic bags of new clothes and i couldn't find a school shirt to wear, mom pulled out a shirt and said here! and i said " no~~1 that is my secondary school shirt" , and the time was about 750, i felt so frantic.
the emotions were so real, and then i woke up,
i don;t know why i have been having such strange dreams recently
anyway a new week, and i have made changes, decided to record down my activities on the untouched planner. Hope it helps me to track my events and how productive i am with my time : )
This week its just , doing things with love, oh how hard it may be.
하이@,. . . 이번에 진짜요. . ..
what we could have been, 6:34 AM.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
hey stephen by T.swift is a nice song : )
hmmm anyway,,,,
nothing much
: ) ~ happy valentines day, wishing you love that fuels everything that u do.
hmmm anyway,,,,
nothing much
: ) ~ happy valentines day, wishing you love that fuels everything that u do.
what we could have been, 7:00 AM.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
ASDFJKLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
i;m on the low.
its not always about polished glass but about the hollow space.
get the drift.?
i;m on the low.
its not always about polished glass but about the hollow space.
get the drift.?
what we could have been, 6:48 AM.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
omannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
i really want to shut up
its ok,
i;ll just change.. . .
i really want to shut up
its ok,
i;ll just change.. . .
what we could have been, 5:44 AM.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.- Mark twain
i don't really wish to regret anymore.
so i shall forgive..
Its my holidays, and mom is really demanding so much out of me, papa says i must be productive with my time. I am not really interested but my mom keeps complaining. Even when i am helping she is complaining, i really don't know what to do but to help like i am. . .
But i guess helping her really makes me understand her situation more.
Sigh, i really don;t know about entering the NUS extension korean course,
What kind of use do i have for it ?
but like i always believe that nothing you do is ever really a complete waste.
besides, i am just furthering my interest. . .
But i don't know what i may use with it,, if i really continued till the end.. . .
and my mom just says that i should be doing something more skills based. like DRAFTING T_T.
So much for support. ugh.
i've never really learned anything fully,
piano , flute , violin , guitar, euphonium , korean, art ? hahaha! perhaps i should practice theory more ( LOL)
everything is so half past six. . ( maybe barely there) . . .
i feel that i should really do something i love, which, i don;t know, i love almost everything?
and the taunting reminder that i should be doing something more skills based? (-_-)
so much to weigh, , ,
opportunity costs. . .
time. . .
money. .. .
youth.. . ( damn)
But u know, its alright : ) .
I will think of it soon,
The quote is so inspiring really,
i should not regret my embarassing moments,
i should set my sail.
you know what i want?
i nice blended coffee drink.
i don't really wish to regret anymore.
so i shall forgive..
Its my holidays, and mom is really demanding so much out of me, papa says i must be productive with my time. I am not really interested but my mom keeps complaining. Even when i am helping she is complaining, i really don't know what to do but to help like i am. . .
But i guess helping her really makes me understand her situation more.
Sigh, i really don;t know about entering the NUS extension korean course,
What kind of use do i have for it ?
but like i always believe that nothing you do is ever really a complete waste.
besides, i am just furthering my interest. . .
But i don't know what i may use with it,, if i really continued till the end.. . .
and my mom just says that i should be doing something more skills based. like DRAFTING T_T.
So much for support. ugh.
i've never really learned anything fully,
piano , flute , violin , guitar, euphonium , korean, art ? hahaha! perhaps i should practice theory more ( LOL)
everything is so half past six. . ( maybe barely there) . . .
i feel that i should really do something i love, which, i don;t know, i love almost everything?
and the taunting reminder that i should be doing something more skills based? (-_-)
so much to weigh, , ,
opportunity costs. . .
time. . .
money. .. .
youth.. . ( damn)
But u know, its alright : ) .
I will think of it soon,
The quote is so inspiring really,
i should not regret my embarassing moments,
i should set my sail.
you know what i want?
i nice blended coffee drink.
what we could have been, 9:59 AM.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
stop TALKING to me like that
Stop threatening me with your life like.
yes! STOP FKING THREATENING ME WITH YOUR LIFE?
do you know how it feels like when someone says
" if you do this , i will kill myself"
something like that?
i feel sympathetic , but i also feel angry at the same time,
This is really psychotic. .
i can't move left, neither can i move right, cos what will you do next?
jump off the building? like you threaten me that you would do?
if i didn;t care , i would be called heartless
if i care, like i normally do, and suppress my emotions,
i end up like this .
just really angry. i want to point my middle finger to the world
AND STOP FKING Accusing me of not allowing you to speak
wtf.
wtf
i hate it when you say that i don't let you speak
hello., if i didn;t let you speak, do you think that i would know the things you have been complaining about ?
obviously i did let you speak, i can tell you what you said to me. This means that i let you speak , and i HEARD you .
*Angry* . i feel so mentally tormented.
i just commented that i was tired
you later said that i have no rights to say that i am tired. because you are doing twice the work of mine
you keep saying that no one is helping you ,while i have been the only FREAKING person who has helped you.
When i help other people do something, you say that i never help you to do the particular thing, IN THE FIRST PLACE> YOU DIDN:T EVEN ASK ME TO! AND WHEN YOU DID ASK ME SO LAST TIME< I DID FUCKING HELP YOU.
I ADmitted that i was angry.
i merely said " yes i was angry, stop harping on the incident"
.. . ... .
you flared up at the word " HARP" .
-_-
STOP ACCUSING ME .
I FKING HATE IT WHEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE
" if you think that she is right, you can go ahead and stand on her side"
AND I DID NOT EVEN SAY I WAS AGREEING WITH THE OTHER PARTY>
i probably make it sound like you are always wrong
perhaps its just me,.
its just how you talk right,
i can;t stand how negative it is sometimes
but , how can i deal with it?
i can't persuade you to consider other approaches without you flaring up at me and saying that i don;t allow you to express yourself/
WTV.
stop asking me for help and then say that i am superficial.
you don;t even want to take a picture with me
Right right?
can you hear me out?
nope
its ok,
i will find out a way to deal with it by my own, AS USUAL.
Stop threatening me with your life like.
yes! STOP FKING THREATENING ME WITH YOUR LIFE?
do you know how it feels like when someone says
" if you do this , i will kill myself"
something like that?
i feel sympathetic , but i also feel angry at the same time,
This is really psychotic. .
i can't move left, neither can i move right, cos what will you do next?
jump off the building? like you threaten me that you would do?
if i didn;t care , i would be called heartless
if i care, like i normally do, and suppress my emotions,
i end up like this .
just really angry. i want to point my middle finger to the world
AND STOP FKING Accusing me of not allowing you to speak
wtf.
wtf
i hate it when you say that i don't let you speak
hello., if i didn;t let you speak, do you think that i would know the things you have been complaining about ?
obviously i did let you speak, i can tell you what you said to me. This means that i let you speak , and i HEARD you .
*Angry* . i feel so mentally tormented.
i just commented that i was tired
you later said that i have no rights to say that i am tired. because you are doing twice the work of mine
you keep saying that no one is helping you ,while i have been the only FREAKING person who has helped you.
When i help other people do something, you say that i never help you to do the particular thing, IN THE FIRST PLACE> YOU DIDN:T EVEN ASK ME TO! AND WHEN YOU DID ASK ME SO LAST TIME< I DID FUCKING HELP YOU.
I ADmitted that i was angry.
i merely said " yes i was angry, stop harping on the incident"
.. . ... .
you flared up at the word " HARP" .
-_-
STOP ACCUSING ME .
I FKING HATE IT WHEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE
" if you think that she is right, you can go ahead and stand on her side"
AND I DID NOT EVEN SAY I WAS AGREEING WITH THE OTHER PARTY>
i probably make it sound like you are always wrong
perhaps its just me,.
its just how you talk right,
i can;t stand how negative it is sometimes
but , how can i deal with it?
i can't persuade you to consider other approaches without you flaring up at me and saying that i don;t allow you to express yourself/
WTV.
stop asking me for help and then say that i am superficial.
you don;t even want to take a picture with me
Right right?
can you hear me out?
nope
its ok,
i will find out a way to deal with it by my own, AS USUAL.
what we could have been, 9:07 AM.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
mmmhmmm
no comments!
no comments!
what we could have been, 9:00 AM.
he said, that in order to be better, we just think of those questions everyday. ask yourself those questions, you do not even need to come up with an answer, you just think about it .
I am always thinking about everything, however, ending up with no conclusions so often really bugs me. I seek answers, but most of the time i end up with more questions. Perhaps its just a test of my patience, again. Which , i am mostly patient regarding the wrong things.
I know that most of the time, i am circling round the bush about an unknown topic. perhaps its because i don't really want my thoughts to be permanent, because we have to be receptive to new things, paradigm shifts occur sometimes, we can always change our perspective. This is why , i don;t really want to record it down and people who read it go, " hey, i remember ,you mentioned that you blah blah blah "
haha, i don't know if this is going to be used against me some day, this is why its good to be discreet about it again. . .
Anyway, ,i;ve been collating my observations and just thinking about them once again,
it seems like there;s always a certain topic that pops out subconsciously and i just observe people and just evaluate it. I guess it just helps me pass time, thats all.
This week, i was thinking about listening to both sides of the story. When you hear someone saying something you do not agree with , its really hard to draw the line. Like when i hear a respected person ( like your older relative) tell me something, sometimes i can;t help it but to strongly disagree with, though i know i should listen, i just want them to know that they have misunderstood or smth,, but i justi find it hard to butt in and offer a second opinion.
for example, when two people argue, its because of a different interpretation of a certain topic. Like ,reading of a text message, one takes it as an insult, the other just thinks its a neutral sounding thing.
A talks in a easy going tone, and B thinks that A is just being nonchalant .
Its so difficult to draw the line. Especially when you know that its just a misunderstanding. When people are angry, they are really receptive to listening to the other party;s explanation, so as a middle person, you want to "soften the blow".
i normally try to offer a different perspective so that they may think otherwise and realise that they are actually making a mountain out of a molehill.. . . . ( which, when the person is angry, they don;t hear anything else but themselves)
I hate it the most when the person, whom i am telling my alternative perspective to, ACCUSES ME OF TRYING TO BE ON THE OTHER PERSON:S SIDE?!?!?!?
WTF.
and oh, the worse thing is , they say the ultimate phrase which really gets on my flipping nerve. the one that "tries hard" to play with the principles of being related.
" IF YOU THINK THAT ___ IS RIGHT< style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"> neutral alternative perspective
wtf.
cooling off`~~!
so what do you do?
sigh, and its not just that too,,
I am always thinking about everything, however, ending up with no conclusions so often really bugs me. I seek answers, but most of the time i end up with more questions. Perhaps its just a test of my patience, again. Which , i am mostly patient regarding the wrong things.
I know that most of the time, i am circling round the bush about an unknown topic. perhaps its because i don't really want my thoughts to be permanent, because we have to be receptive to new things, paradigm shifts occur sometimes, we can always change our perspective. This is why , i don;t really want to record it down and people who read it go, " hey, i remember ,you mentioned that you blah blah blah "
haha, i don't know if this is going to be used against me some day, this is why its good to be discreet about it again. . .
Anyway, ,i;ve been collating my observations and just thinking about them once again,
it seems like there;s always a certain topic that pops out subconsciously and i just observe people and just evaluate it. I guess it just helps me pass time, thats all.
This week, i was thinking about listening to both sides of the story. When you hear someone saying something you do not agree with , its really hard to draw the line. Like when i hear a respected person ( like your older relative) tell me something, sometimes i can;t help it but to strongly disagree with, though i know i should listen, i just want them to know that they have misunderstood or smth,, but i justi find it hard to butt in and offer a second opinion.
for example, when two people argue, its because of a different interpretation of a certain topic. Like ,reading of a text message, one takes it as an insult, the other just thinks its a neutral sounding thing.
A talks in a easy going tone, and B thinks that A is just being nonchalant .
Its so difficult to draw the line. Especially when you know that its just a misunderstanding. When people are angry, they are really receptive to listening to the other party;s explanation, so as a middle person, you want to "soften the blow".
i normally try to offer a different perspective so that they may think otherwise and realise that they are actually making a mountain out of a molehill.. . . . ( which, when the person is angry, they don;t hear anything else but themselves)
I hate it the most when the person, whom i am telling my alternative perspective to, ACCUSES ME OF TRYING TO BE ON THE OTHER PERSON:S SIDE?!?!?!?
WTF.
and oh, the worse thing is , they say the ultimate phrase which really gets on my flipping nerve. the one that "tries hard" to play with the principles of being related.
" IF YOU THINK THAT ___ IS RIGHT< style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"> neutral alternative perspective
wtf.
cooling off`~~!
so what do you do?
sigh, and its not just that too,,
what we could have been, 6:08 AM.
