Thursday, March 5, 2009
it feels like the night before i took the first paper. gp.
for the exception that i am not reading notes of course.
spent the evening crying and feeling so scared i remember.
my stomach churned. i lay wide awake on my bed for an hour before crawling up beside my mom's bed saying " mom i can't sleep , , i can't sleep ".
she said i would do just fine .
i never had much trouble with sleep before.
Then, it was different.
Sentences of information regarding controversial issues in society ran through my brain as if my eyes were scanning texts on the paper.
Within an hour my body was still and i fell asleep.
But my mind still as active and alert.
right now i am trying to shove the thought of taking the slip from miss lim's hands away from my mind. My anticipation now, a tinge of anxiety and excitement . . .aye. .. . . .
Trying to get to bed early but i can't seem to keep the damn eyelid shut.
just about 13 hours from now, my life would take a whole new direction, as if following a divine plan or map. i am sick of seeking, now i will let it present itself to me.
I don;t know what to expect. Just saying this, my heart beats faster.
perhaps the dream i had 3 years ago would come to life , except not green, blur and so surreal, but multi coloured and real.
perhaps the moment i described so vividly to my peers to picture would come alive.
perhaps the unexpected would come slowly taking all the colour away from my world.
kk k,, i can;t be too sure about this.
so what if either happened.
it would be different if i had something.
three ways we see, the first, a kid in an endless candy store, not knowing what to pick, all the colours zipping and whirling around him and leaving , not knowing that he had taken the expired.
or, looking into the miserable jar with the expired and a last good candy he did not fancy at the bottom of it.
or, a picky kid in the endless candy store, heading straight only for ones that he loved, and savouring every last bit of sweet. .
just because something is missing, lost, the reason why i don;t know how to become.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
the winds are howling now, some what like strong assurance.
the rain is pouring from the heavens now,
as if burrowing my sorrows or flowing into my heart.
Am i being heard. . ?. .
for the exception that i am not reading notes of course.
spent the evening crying and feeling so scared i remember.
my stomach churned. i lay wide awake on my bed for an hour before crawling up beside my mom's bed saying " mom i can't sleep , , i can't sleep ".
she said i would do just fine .
i never had much trouble with sleep before.
Then, it was different.
Sentences of information regarding controversial issues in society ran through my brain as if my eyes were scanning texts on the paper.
Within an hour my body was still and i fell asleep.
But my mind still as active and alert.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-7)
right now i am trying to shove the thought of taking the slip from miss lim's hands away from my mind. My anticipation now, a tinge of anxiety and excitement . . .aye. .. . . .
Trying to get to bed early but i can't seem to keep the damn eyelid shut.
just about 13 hours from now, my life would take a whole new direction, as if following a divine plan or map. i am sick of seeking, now i will let it present itself to me.
I don;t know what to expect. Just saying this, my heart beats faster.
perhaps the dream i had 3 years ago would come to life , except not green, blur and so surreal, but multi coloured and real.
perhaps the moment i described so vividly to my peers to picture would come alive.
perhaps the unexpected would come slowly taking all the colour away from my world.
kk k,, i can;t be too sure about this.
so what if either happened.
it would be different if i had something.
three ways we see, the first, a kid in an endless candy store, not knowing what to pick, all the colours zipping and whirling around him and leaving , not knowing that he had taken the expired.
or, looking into the miserable jar with the expired and a last good candy he did not fancy at the bottom of it.
or, a picky kid in the endless candy store, heading straight only for ones that he loved, and savouring every last bit of sweet. .
just because something is missing, lost, the reason why i don;t know how to become.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
the winds are howling now, some what like strong assurance.
the rain is pouring from the heavens now,
as if burrowing my sorrows or flowing into my heart.
Am i being heard. . ?. .
what we could have been, 5:53 AM.
