Thursday, April 9, 2009
freedom.
its difficult to control yourself when you are suddenly given so much liberty to do so.
the liberty to dream, the liberty to run about, the liberty to choose. Some just loose themselves, some just grow stronger.
Since young, we were beaten if we drew on walls, we were scolded if we wanted to do otherwise. We were " encouraged " to choose B when we wanted to choose A. We were scolded if we jumped on the bed, scolded for running around the house. , stopped when you were about to buy a shirt which looked "ugly" in the eyes of your siblings or wtv. I am now wondering if actually all these actions caused the formation of a kind of invisible boundary in whatever we do. of course i mean that its ok to stop if the action is really disturbing or inappropriate, But i am refering to actions that are harmless ( almost).
What is actually right then ? to allow one to fully develop their own characteristics by expressing themselves fully and experience the hurt when it is wrong. Or to stop something which may become wrong before it is being made? I watched the O. show the other day. they said " let your kids paint on the walls. meaning something like letting them be free to express and have fun. But when i come to think of it, most of the time, kids would be scolded for doing so, beaten ( i think in the past ) , haha i think banning of crayons would be too extreme. Hence my question. What is right then?
So now, when u want to fully express yourself online, sometimes limitation come to mind, like what if someone used your fears against you. or what if they used your words against you? things like that.
Back to my topic about being free again. Perhaps its the culture, or my upbringing, were taught to follow orders,rules, all the time, you can;t do this because you will be punished. You draw in this technique because if you don't , you will not score well. you must colour within the lines or else this and that / "its not nice" . ( but hello !! its artistic) . You have to do this working or else, you won;t score well. things like that. Perhaps its the constant discouragement/encouragement to do something that causes us to not know really.why not just " let them be"?
So perhaps its this, some grow strong through this invisible " bondage" or ... some just follow suit. That when we are finally let go with our pair of wings that we are so suddenly expected to grow up that we falter . But of course, i guess its a part of strengthening ourselves and adapting before taking flight. Just hope that nothing happens before we hit the ground.
Right now ,just planning the next step into my future, i do feel kinda lost still, but a little less lost than i was initially. I know that u must have a dream to be less easily deviated from your course and route, but i;m sorry that i have no dream, but i have interests. Hopefully just going with the flow will be ok still.
Today i received a call from the M0H scholarships , they called me down to take a psych0metric test this coming tues. I am so thankful for the opportunity! It caught me offgaurd. Please pray for me, that if its for me that it will go smoothly, cos i have never done a test like this~~ !! and if not it will close the doors. But of course, nothing is comfirmed yet, i still do not know what entails. But i am pretty excited still ! and in the afternoon, i am going down to smu! So i really pray hard! Thank God for the opporunities.
its difficult to control yourself when you are suddenly given so much liberty to do so.
the liberty to dream, the liberty to run about, the liberty to choose. Some just loose themselves, some just grow stronger.
Since young, we were beaten if we drew on walls, we were scolded if we wanted to do otherwise. We were " encouraged " to choose B when we wanted to choose A. We were scolded if we jumped on the bed, scolded for running around the house. , stopped when you were about to buy a shirt which looked "ugly" in the eyes of your siblings or wtv. I am now wondering if actually all these actions caused the formation of a kind of invisible boundary in whatever we do. of course i mean that its ok to stop if the action is really disturbing or inappropriate, But i am refering to actions that are harmless ( almost).
What is actually right then ? to allow one to fully develop their own characteristics by expressing themselves fully and experience the hurt when it is wrong. Or to stop something which may become wrong before it is being made? I watched the O. show the other day. they said " let your kids paint on the walls. meaning something like letting them be free to express and have fun. But when i come to think of it, most of the time, kids would be scolded for doing so, beaten ( i think in the past ) , haha i think banning of crayons would be too extreme. Hence my question. What is right then?
So now, when u want to fully express yourself online, sometimes limitation come to mind, like what if someone used your fears against you. or what if they used your words against you? things like that.
Back to my topic about being free again. Perhaps its the culture, or my upbringing, were taught to follow orders,rules, all the time, you can;t do this because you will be punished. You draw in this technique because if you don't , you will not score well. you must colour within the lines or else this and that / "its not nice" . ( but hello !! its artistic) . You have to do this working or else, you won;t score well. things like that. Perhaps its the constant discouragement/encouragement to do something that causes us to not know really.why not just " let them be"?
So perhaps its this, some grow strong through this invisible " bondage" or ... some just follow suit. That when we are finally let go with our pair of wings that we are so suddenly expected to grow up that we falter . But of course, i guess its a part of strengthening ourselves and adapting before taking flight. Just hope that nothing happens before we hit the ground.
Right now ,just planning the next step into my future, i do feel kinda lost still, but a little less lost than i was initially. I know that u must have a dream to be less easily deviated from your course and route, but i;m sorry that i have no dream, but i have interests. Hopefully just going with the flow will be ok still.
Today i received a call from the M0H scholarships , they called me down to take a psych0metric test this coming tues. I am so thankful for the opportunity! It caught me offgaurd. Please pray for me, that if its for me that it will go smoothly, cos i have never done a test like this~~ !! and if not it will close the doors. But of course, nothing is comfirmed yet, i still do not know what entails. But i am pretty excited still ! and in the afternoon, i am going down to smu! So i really pray hard! Thank God for the opporunities.
what we could have been, 6:46 AM.
