Monday, May 18, 2009
For the past few days, my prayers have been,
" if H.Science is not my calling, please don't let me get through, "
Today, before my intv, my uncle gave me some advice.
" don't be nervous hor! if you know, Just answer from your heart,, if you don't know, just say you don't know. "
with that in mind, i went for the Intv. . .
i was early and i think i was the only one who tried striking conversation with the rest. Most of them were pretty steady, from what i inferred, they scored more than 4As. which made me feel a little (~)...inferior , perhaps... ..aye..but its ok,,, i think i can consider myself quite fortunate to even be given this opportunity to even try and fight.
There were 5 pairs of eyes that were judging and analyzing my answers. some seemed to brighten up when i mentioned certain points,, and some with doubtful and concerned looks.. hh..... One question shot at me after the other, and most of the time, i couldn't even finish my answer before i was given another question.
I tried not to think so much about my answers cos that would just be my brain doing the answering, and not the heart . Seemingly, i missed the essence of some questions cos they had to repeated two question in a simplified manner,, , : ( but its ok~
one thing which really set me thinking after the interview was when they asked me this.
" so, if you are not offered this scholarship, then what will you study? i mean have you applied for any university?"
i told them that i was still thinking about it. That chemistry and accounting seemed to be on par for me. then i said " i think i may do accounting actually. "
they seemed pretty surprised,, as to why i would choose accounting as Acc and H.Science are almost completely opposite professions, and asked me how come i won't study medcine..
haha... the latter has it obvious reasons.. then I told them " i think that the reason for getting education is to sharpen the mind,and perhaps ,equip me with necessary information. I feel that ultimately if i really do choose accounting, that i might not become an accountant as i view this education as part for me to make more informed decisions if i were to do business in the future."
i wonder where my answer came from. Is it really my heart doing the talking? or did i actually preplan an answer in my head? wouldn't i have said chemistry? what was i saying really?
seriously i don't know what i am doing, i wish to swim myself exhausted, sleep and not wake up. Yes i do want to shun from the reality of this situation. Do i really have to study until a PHD level for chemistry in order to do well? can i definitely score a 1st class honours ? Do i really see myself as a scientist? Do i really want to study accounting and do finance D.D , like i said so in the intv ?
Will they really approve my application ? if they do, then it is almost like my worst fears and passion all fused into one.. , like the study of biology, which i have never done,, the possibility of a strong-accent-barrier, being alone, and finally, comparing my standard of English to many, i feel almost incompetent. The latter is really a great challenge to me, as i still struggle with, what?, English. Tenses, phrasing. . .Vocabulary.. .. ? ? ?? and of course, patience. . which i feel that, yeah , it might take some time for me to really learn how to inculcate patience in me. . i am selective. i can wait in a queue, but i can't wait to express myself. ..
I pray that if this is for me, take away my fear and let me go head strong with faith.
" if H.Science is not my calling, please don't let me get through, "
Today, before my intv, my uncle gave me some advice.
" don't be nervous hor! if you know, Just answer from your heart,, if you don't know, just say you don't know. "
with that in mind, i went for the Intv. . .
i was early and i think i was the only one who tried striking conversation with the rest. Most of them were pretty steady, from what i inferred, they scored more than 4As. which made me feel a little (~)...inferior , perhaps... ..aye..but its ok,,, i think i can consider myself quite fortunate to even be given this opportunity to even try and fight.
There were 5 pairs of eyes that were judging and analyzing my answers. some seemed to brighten up when i mentioned certain points,, and some with doubtful and concerned looks.. hh..... One question shot at me after the other, and most of the time, i couldn't even finish my answer before i was given another question.
I tried not to think so much about my answers cos that would just be my brain doing the answering, and not the heart . Seemingly, i missed the essence of some questions cos they had to repeated two question in a simplified manner,, , : ( but its ok~
one thing which really set me thinking after the interview was when they asked me this.
" so, if you are not offered this scholarship, then what will you study? i mean have you applied for any university?"
i told them that i was still thinking about it. That chemistry and accounting seemed to be on par for me. then i said " i think i may do accounting actually. "
they seemed pretty surprised,, as to why i would choose accounting as Acc and H.Science are almost completely opposite professions, and asked me how come i won't study medcine..
haha... the latter has it obvious reasons.. then I told them " i think that the reason for getting education is to sharpen the mind,and perhaps ,equip me with necessary information. I feel that ultimately if i really do choose accounting, that i might not become an accountant as i view this education as part for me to make more informed decisions if i were to do business in the future."
i wonder where my answer came from. Is it really my heart doing the talking? or did i actually preplan an answer in my head? wouldn't i have said chemistry? what was i saying really?
seriously i don't know what i am doing, i wish to swim myself exhausted, sleep and not wake up. Yes i do want to shun from the reality of this situation. Do i really have to study until a PHD level for chemistry in order to do well? can i definitely score a 1st class honours ? Do i really see myself as a scientist? Do i really want to study accounting and do finance D.D , like i said so in the intv ?
Will they really approve my application ? if they do, then it is almost like my worst fears and passion all fused into one.. , like the study of biology, which i have never done,, the possibility of a strong-accent-barrier, being alone, and finally, comparing my standard of English to many, i feel almost incompetent. The latter is really a great challenge to me, as i still struggle with, what?, English. Tenses, phrasing. . .Vocabulary.. .. ? ? ?? and of course, patience. . which i feel that, yeah , it might take some time for me to really learn how to inculcate patience in me. . i am selective. i can wait in a queue, but i can't wait to express myself. ..
I pray that if this is for me, take away my fear and let me go head strong with faith.
what we could have been, 8:03 AM.
