Sunday, June 28, 2009
am i really stupid,
am i really dumb,
for doing these things,
am i making a wrong choice,
am i making a dumb mistake.,
have i lost myself,
or is this supposed to be when i find myself again.
could i be, once again, not waiting, always.
seems like its a no,
if we really died tomorrow, what is the legacy we would leave behind?
i didn't walk on any moon and neither did i walk on water..
guess i would have to discover all these things one by one,
: (
am i really dumb,
for doing these things,
am i making a wrong choice,
am i making a dumb mistake.,
have i lost myself,
or is this supposed to be when i find myself again.
could i be, once again, not waiting, always.
seems like its a no,
if we really died tomorrow, what is the legacy we would leave behind?
i didn't walk on any moon and neither did i walk on water..
guess i would have to discover all these things one by one,
: (
what we could have been, 7:59 AM.
Friday, June 26, 2009
this is going to be so random1 haha
because i am being quite SLOW since i've returned!! hahaha
brain not functioning so well since end of A;s last year.. haha~~
it all starts from a blank slate,
the possibility is endless.
like how we are all about the same,
not knowing anything about each other,because i am being quite SLOW since i've returned!! hahaha
brain not functioning so well since end of A;s last year.. haha~~
it all starts from a blank slate,
the possibility is endless.
like how we are all about the same,
how you could create an image of yourself being this or that,
even more than we are, , , ,
but even so, ultimately your true colours will reveal itself.
so be true to yourself,, always.. . .
i'm back!! and i am really burnt, haha u can see a permanent red mark on my back, and it hurts, but it was really fun and totally worth it,
made some really cool new friends :)
met awesome people who can give answers to some random science questions, like how come some people get drunk easily and not, how come some get burnt easily and some not. hahaha
math degree holders to be with incredible ability to do mental calculation in opposites damn fast.
hahaha,, and yes they are not hardcore nerds.
no regrets, living in the moment~
it was nice to be able to put aside myself and the things happening in reality and just immerse myself into this varsity experience... and i really liked it,.. not having to think about work, money, family , problems, what major are you going to take, and why not u study this and that -type questions from people , ,and all crap from reality. haha
have i lost myself,?
haha. anyway i am tired,
enjoy the weekend~~
facing the things to come, headstrong.
what we could have been, 7:12 AM.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Assistance please, can someone advise me on how i should clean up my room? haha
what do i do with old notes? some notes are quite good! haha like i can't bear to throw away those GP NOTES,. becuase when i flip them , i realize that there is much that i do not know, haha and then i do not bear to throw them away,,
haha and i still have like secondary school shou ce's with me! haha now that's pretty ancient
its like a vast library of knowledge in my cupboards, but they are nothing when i don't use them...
So what did you do with yours? Throw,,, keep? ? ,, ,
i have forgotten so much stuff, am i shooting myself in the foot?,
feel like a total DUMBASS now, , aye
SEND ME AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
what do i do with old notes? some notes are quite good! haha like i can't bear to throw away those GP NOTES,. becuase when i flip them , i realize that there is much that i do not know, haha and then i do not bear to throw them away,,
haha and i still have like secondary school shou ce's with me! haha now that's pretty ancient
its like a vast library of knowledge in my cupboards, but they are nothing when i don't use them...
So what did you do with yours? Throw,,, keep? ? ,, ,
i have forgotten so much stuff, am i shooting myself in the foot?,
feel like a total DUMBASS now, , aye
SEND ME AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
what we could have been, 10:35 PM.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
왜 왜 왜 왜 왜 ?
그게이상해요..나도 잘 모르겠어요.
so, its been pretty fast moving these days.
been making surprisingly quick transactions without much hesitation,
on the contrary to how i normally make decisions really. which normally means, Brooding over it for a few days and talking to tonnes of people about it. hahaha
perhaps its the beauty/curse of the invisible flow of money.
the swipe of a titanium card, or , keying in a couple of numbers, the temporary power of spending. OR, just that dad and mom are agreeing to pay for you. haha
perhaps i don't think so much because for that brief moment , i am unable to feel the pain, or weigh the opportunity cost of my spending, or not knowing the hours of manual labor put in to exchange for that few digits in our bank accounts.
well, all for worthy investment, i hope, which one day, i will be able to return, a hundred fold.
jyaaaa,,
if i could understand the brilliance of everything else,
like an arrow through me!
i;d appreciate that.
그게이상해요..나도 잘 모르겠어요.
so, its been pretty fast moving these days.
been making surprisingly quick transactions without much hesitation,
on the contrary to how i normally make decisions really. which normally means, Brooding over it for a few days and talking to tonnes of people about it. hahaha
perhaps its the beauty/curse of the invisible flow of money.
the swipe of a titanium card, or , keying in a couple of numbers, the temporary power of spending. OR, just that dad and mom are agreeing to pay for you. haha
perhaps i don't think so much because for that brief moment , i am unable to feel the pain, or weigh the opportunity cost of my spending, or not knowing the hours of manual labor put in to exchange for that few digits in our bank accounts.
well, all for worthy investment, i hope, which one day, i will be able to return, a hundred fold.
jyaaaa,,
if i could understand the brilliance of everything else,
like an arrow through me!
i;d appreciate that.
what we could have been, 10:11 AM.
Monday, June 15, 2009
i am almost an idiot when it comes to the newest gadgets,
nope i do not own an mp3 and neither do i know what is the newest phone out there,
and all i know is that i am still running on a computer which takes a lot of time to load,, and
my phone dies on my occasionally. ahha even though its the musicEXPRESS. which was the in phone just what? two years back. haha
all these things are so rapidly changing, can;t even catch up with it .haha
its ok
anyway joke of the day!
on the bus , i made a phone call to KT/. . saying
KK: " wah, today there were so many patients in the clinic"
KT: " what? ? many hatients? "
KK:" a lot of PATIENTS"
KT. " a lot of patents? "
KK: " wah biang, you are making me run out of patience saying PATIENTS.".
KT, who still can't hear me says " haha sorry are you running out of patience" haha
haha..
anyway signing off! love to be busy
nope i do not own an mp3 and neither do i know what is the newest phone out there,
and all i know is that i am still running on a computer which takes a lot of time to load,, and
my phone dies on my occasionally. ahha even though its the musicEXPRESS. which was the in phone just what? two years back. haha
all these things are so rapidly changing, can;t even catch up with it .haha
its ok
anyway joke of the day!
on the bus , i made a phone call to KT/. . saying
KK: " wah, today there were so many patients in the clinic"
KT: " what? ? many hatients? "
KK:" a lot of PATIENTS"
KT. " a lot of patents? "
KK: " wah biang, you are making me run out of patience saying PATIENTS.".
KT, who still can't hear me says " haha sorry are you running out of patience" haha
haha..
anyway signing off! love to be busy
what we could have been, 12:43 AM.
Friday, June 12, 2009
i am trying to learn the butterfly stroke but i look like i am drowning everytime i attempt it. ahha
hmmm,, there is so much to juggle esp after college starts, ,, driving, and jap classes, and music lessons, and,, lets see, oh i hope i can get the korean course in college! haha
if i am not adventerous now, then i will never be right? so better do it now,,, hh
i have to try hard and have no regrets.
how can two people who were so in love fail to recognize each other.
how can someone be paid so much to chase after a blimming soccer ball/
how can one show like that draw so much attention,
and i wish that my short term memory loss will not fail me for the right thing ?? ? ? ? ? -_-
haha
can we scream until we can't hear our voices at all.
squeeze our hearts dry
bleed yourself dry
swim yourself exhausted
sleep yourself exhausted
SIGH i really want to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,go,,,,,
가고싶어###
: (
what we could have been, 8:18 AM.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
hhh,, do you remember, how it feels like to be happy for someone,
or just, how you managed to contribute that little bit to make them smile.
very heart warming feeling, kkk
anyway, i really set something in mind, and i really want to get it, so i will fight for it if i must!!!! gosh
going to college,, soon!!!!! woo
Stop.What you're doing to me?
Stop.
Like an arrow through me.
Stop.
This is torture to me.
Cause it gotta be,
All or it's nothing at all.
I'm telling you to stop.
This is torture to me.
You know that it's torture
what we could have been, 10:20 AM.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
i realised that i have not been very thankful.
so i signed up for the science camp.
is anyone going !! i wil be alone T_T.. ..
anyway i hope my opportunity comes soon,
i really hope so
pray and be thankful
haha
signing off.
what we could have been, 6:14 AM.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
First off,
i feel like transferring? to the engineering faculty instead, to take C.eng....................
ahhhhhhhh
wtf is wrong with me
can't even make up my mind,again. Because i can;t imagine AT ALL!!!!!!!!!
i will be, a . ,, scientist?
...................................................
me . research ? teaching ?
what?.. .. . .
T_T
hmm or should i just pursue something else, my parents say that they are ok to let me dao guo wai liu xue. .. hh. but even so, what do i do,
learning music is so EX, money money money . .
STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.
stop making me feel bloody bad. ..
i feeel like being a bitch and just do to her what she did to me, but that will make me just as bad, i mean it will make me do something which i'd hate if someone did to me. so i shouldn't do it right? yeah. .. .
shoot me dead please.
i feel like transferring? to the engineering faculty instead, to take C.eng....................
ahhhhhhhh
wtf is wrong with me
can't even make up my mind,again. Because i can;t imagine AT ALL!!!!!!!!!
i will be, a . ,, scientist?
...................................................
me . research ? teaching ?
what?.. .. . .
T_T
hmm or should i just pursue something else, my parents say that they are ok to let me dao guo wai liu xue. .. hh. but even so, what do i do,
learning music is so EX, money money money . .
STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.
stop making me feel bloody bad. ..
i feeel like being a bitch and just do to her what she did to me, but that will make me just as bad, i mean it will make me do something which i'd hate if someone did to me. so i shouldn't do it right? yeah. .. .
shoot me dead please.
what we could have been, 7:59 PM.
Monday, June 1, 2009
i thought it was for me,
i thought it was me
i thought that i could be
i thought i could be so different
but no,
i thought nothing
like i am going to turn out the same. .
i dreamt that i murdered someome, and whilst my teacher was praising me for doing something, i was thinking about the corpse.
i dreamt that two friends were hiding from someone and asked me to duck
when i realised that i didn;t even know what was going on.
could these dreams be a reflection of real life?
like how i am being left out from so many things.
that i am always the one having to lean over and asking oh how is it gg..
like how i am killing myself on the inside
perhaps burying what i really like .
am i killing my personality?
i find myself losing me .
it's killing me,you know that it's torture.
what we could have been, 8:29 AM.
