i feel myself slipping into that stage.
of wondering ,wandering,
could i be steadier and stand on my own two feet and lead my own path.
yes i will walk my own path
gonna be a busy and tedious week ahead
work harD!!!
i have been, extremely busy.
a lot of things,
i actually decided to continue and FINISH JAp basic and so i signed up for the third term, so that i would be able to "graduate " with a cert finishing beginner for japanese! which i really hope does not affect my studies so mcuh. becuase time is needed to be allocated to study languages!
secondly , i also am taking up music, which means i also need time to practice! and its only once a week, and this which demands much out of the ability to do hand eye coordination, seems to wear out the older i get. haha can;t seem to step on the peddle at the right time tho : ( and still need time to make it into muscle memory.
thirdly only for these few weeks i have to work full time, and when school starts not so,, ! speaking of which, i am extremely blesssed to have such friends in school. who explained everything about the modules nd stuff esp the VERY UNFRIENDLY website of the school to me. and right now the only thing on my mind is,, what minor should i take? becuase i am extremely uncertain abuot the major i am taking , so i decided that i want to take up a minor so that i won;t just limit myself to the one industry.
i am deciding between these few ones though.
1), is communiations and N.Media. Reading the module infomation, i feel that it is almost like GP , which really scares me a little bit becuase, to me , its quite hard to score in humanities subjects. . And because of a certain thing , i can also " waive " off this bad grade. however, it seems to be quite a good aread to delve into.
2) psychology. Even though i am not too sure about the job prospects and stuff, however i am certain thon my interest, it is quite interesting i think . However , just wondering if i can score well, However because of a certain thing ,i can "waive " off this bad grade . this is good also becuase i am expanding my interest.
3) Forensic .sci . This one i am pretty keen on this, however i uderstand that it is very competitive and the chances of me getting it is very low . But the fear of that aside, if i do badly ofr this , not only will it affect my grades, i cannot "waive" off this grade because its a s.fac module. however yes i really am interested in this
4) a minor in mathematics .
hmm honestly i am interested in many of the thigns above. i need some sound advice though.
and i also have t bear in mind that i cannot take them lightly cos it will affect the CAP score -_-
aiyoooo why everythign grades grades grades one.. haha
its been pretty hectic for me , so i am just spilling the beans on everything.. please dont mind me for being so open because i really need some sound advice.
anyway~~ when the going gets tuogh, the tough gets going!
XOXO,
like how i was so insecure to start giving tuition,
turns out , tomorrow i have my first ever trial- job! haha
so,, i hope it turns out well,, that it can act as a confirmation for me..
oh~ so much to say, so much to give, so much to take,
love . laugh and live
can i describe what is on my mind? not really,
well i can;t say this is new lah, i mean i am always having a lot to say, and thinking a lot.
so whats been new? well, i went to HKshenzhenand macau in a span of five days . from 12th to seventeenth last week. its been a blast spending time with my mom and s,sis shopping eating eating shopping and taking in the wonderful sights . think massive photo dump on facebook sometime soon.
shenzhen is really a shopping paradise for the young, esp girls . its cheap, (min 12 - 20 SGD). Clothing sold are those you see on blog shops and stuff like that. however its pretty dangerous, i can;t explain much here though.
In hongkong, u can find a larger variety of higher end stuff.( depending on where you shop ) , worth investing in though..
macau is beautiful, its more of sights and casinos and eurpoean inspired architecture. Very nice. .. we stayed at the venetian ( THE BOF acted there !! ) its really luxorious.. didn;t get to explore much there though..
there is too much to be said about this trip, shan;t say much cos u should hear it from me : D!
from the fact that i;ve become pudgier in the course of this trip, well haha eating at the cha lou's there are . @@~~
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anyway i feel like i am becoming someone i detest.
i can;t seem to follow the same advice i give people.
i can;t seem to be able to confidendly take up a tuition job to teach chemistry.
what is holding me back? am i making a wrong move?
what am i fearing ? and if not what do i do?
and the thing is ,i fear being alone,, when i suddenly feel so left out, i feel so,, so,, ._.
why must i always do it. why?
is it just a thought, is it just pms,,
no we can;t blame these things,
i should change.
LOST LOST LSOT LSOT FUCKING LOST
i don't really know if i wanna take math, or chem, and if so, applied M or Applied C?
and then, if i take those as my major, then what should i take as my minor? Forensic.S , psyche, math/chem or something to do with media,, aye
its such a headache considering that i don;t know what i can do or really like, or .. wtv,
nvm i will think about it when i am away,i am so confused.
Everytime i look through the list of tution kids, i see subs with i really am happy to teach, but i ownder why, if its the lack of knowledge that makes me so scared and unwilling to say YES i will take up the job. . . .
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To be honest, i was really upset that i didn;t get it.
when the idea first struck me, i thought it was , geniunely, really for me,
something that was unique, only to me,
something that i was here, on earth to do,
something which i could really do, and live out,
something. .. . .
btu no, it turns out no,,,
i feel so lost, was i decieving myself?
==================================
am i fabricating another lie , ,or am i just discovering another side of myself
oh~~~ i hope i find soon..
anyway! will be away from SG this sun to next friday!
praying for safety!
haha,, i am learning to be 강한여자,
that i will smile boldly at my obstacles, and i will be victorious.
just watch.
haha~
oh there is so much on my mind,
i will be strong.
: )
confusion.
i feel like a victim of kidnap, and living with the stockholm syndrome,
i wonder why, why does my kid napper always make me feel fucking bad.
Sorry kidnapper, i didn;t ask you to work 25 hours a day , i didn't .
i don;t even spend as much as i should such that u NEED to work 25 hours a day.
and yes kid napper , i am still angry with you, and yet you think that we owe you , when you do still owe others. But no , we feel compassion and we feel that its our duty. or rather , its only me I who feel that its my duty when others have escaped, and i , solely taking all your crap.
why look at me so weakly, like i am draining you. When you are the one draining yourself.
Do you really need the extra money? do you really need the extra stress?
what am i doing to myself when i am really studyin science?
what have i gotten myself into.
Everything from the high society, to the superficial, its driving me nuts.
like how i find that i have lost myself that icann;t be myself around people whom i am not familiar with.
like how i am being so dumb becuase i always feel that things die off eventually and thus i have not invested heavily in anything, like taking up a new sport and devoting myself fully into it.
like how i am feeling increasingly lonely in this increasingly connected world.
and i really hate my name
REALLY HATE MY NAME.
how to intro myself leh?
and even people from my past are starting to call me K-Q!
how did i even tell people my name is K-K ? even i find it hard to SAY. let alone call out.
and now my new peers call me K-Q ,,, its driving me into confusion,
like i don;t know how, just don;t know how,
i need an english name, and when i recall my baptism name, its really bad, the name , its not too bad, but ,, the memory that is etched with the name is really bad .l ike how P was so angry when he found out about it .. . .
just call me nobody please.
M@ is blaming the lap top for taking away so much of my time, when i raelly wish to say how much i ahve given up, for her. like how i have no friends because i always stay at home , and now that i actually have friends to talk to , that i cannot ? ? ? ? ??
and when i talk to her, she is being so defensive about everyhting, i can;t even describe!
sometimes we know things but we do not need to show that we know them, becuase we don;t hav to prove anytting right? ....
yeh and i hav been tryin this, and i realise that people judge and think that we are ignorant.
but again, who are they to judge right, i don;t hav to impress you.
its driving me insane, and fucking nuts.
i have no idea what i am talking about,
just kill me please KILL ME
like how i am so sui bian that i am not even sure of what i am doing,
and my mom thinks i am spending too much time with the lap top instead of her
when!! iam trying my freaking best, and she does not even bother about me when i talk to her on a normal basis.
i wanna , just, shut the f up .
So when it all dies,. then when does it become?
oh, i feel of all sorts now,
like how, many variables come into play into something.
SIGH DID I MAKE A WRONG DECISION TO STUDY MEHC
? ? ?? ? ?
aiya just shut up
thats not me, its not me at all,
suddenly it also feels as if,
evidence is not evidence someitmes becuase, its been wrongly intepreted.
get it ?
haha it feels good to be sick though, i mean , you get to stay home or wtv, and people are nice to you, and offer you sweets. hahaha~
don';t know lei, these few days,
i keep wondering if i have played my chess pieces right,
am i making a wrong move? or is it that i just don't know how to proceed forward?
mm,, i am so uncertain and unsure
ohemgee,i don't know what to think. . .
i feel so dumbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
am i just, trying to relive what i have seen others live?
what am i doing,,,,,,,,,,,,? ? ?
했갈려요/ . ..
