haiz, if there is one thing i really do not understand, its myself.I always wonder if i really had a mind of my own, or is it that i have eben so used to trying to think " the right way i cant seem to generate or create my own perspectives. And this really makes me want to bury my head into the ground.
felt pretty defeated at school today whilst my first lecture becuase, i suddenly thought about how i am giving up myself so easily, So angry that i even allowed myself to think about giving up in the first place.
This is not me, its really not me, its not me to give up so easily
what happened to me , who fought hard for many things,
who hated people who complained about the situation and not do anything about it ?
yeah, i have always hated people who did it ,and now i am in it, and i am turning into some one i hate. Really hate. and even becoming someone who is so unfriendly to people around me, and i can;t seem to shut up ,please shut up..
What is this i am struggling with? The thoughts in my mind, how i came so far and thought that i dont want to carry on. This battlefield in my mind, its terrible. Everyday, a string of thoughts are always running round around and into my mind . Questions with no answers, Questions with many answers. Questions with debatable answers. Somewhat like a debate competition only with no structure, no organization and no conclusion. Am i feeling really insecure? Perhaps feeling that i dont deserve many things which i have been blessed with, perhaps that i dont deserve any of these at all. Hai and to think that i gave up on something already, the something that could have lasted for so long, for eternity perhaps. To think i gave that up! and for what, but then why, fear holds me back. and becoming someone i hate? yeah,
I could have done more productive things that yield great things, but then i didn;t invest my time in the right things most of the time. Now , i do regret it , a little bit, , But of course , i should just make do with what i have and move on , like i always do. i will achieve more!
That should be me, that should be the person i want to be always.
Take away my fear- 강한여자
