Tuesday, September 1, 2009
This is going to be completely random, and as usual, self centered me, i wont talk abotu the things that have happened, but instead like i always do, just evaluate the type of situations i find myself in : )
wlel, the reason why i never really mention anyone on my blog, is because, well i alwyas wonder it that one day, when the person no longer becomes part of my life, i will feel really sad if i remember what we once were. Or taht sometiems, reeally dont want to remember all the sad things, and that the happy things and sad things just remain in my memory, and of course, the strongest and most distinct always stays on my mind. And also having said that, not mentioning anyone on a blog is a good thing, becuase you dont ever want to intentionally hurt anyone.
As a matter of fact, if i really do write about someone, sometimes it makes me feel very pretentious, if u want the full reason, u can just ask me, haha
i am insecure, it is true,
that how i alwyas feel that whatever i have achieved or done is very negligible. That sometmes i always feel undeserving of whatever i have gotten.
I wonder if its because of the new environment that i am immersed in,,, i feel very dumb. haha sunday, monday and tuesdays are now dedicated to writing lab reports. i dont know which is more insane or worrying, the fact that i am spending about 15hours to write a report each (high inefficiency) , or the fact that i dont really know what to do if it was not for the help of my friends.
i feel damn dumb seriously, its already 16 hoours worth of lecutres regarding each quantum mechanics and thermodynamics, and i am still not sure what is really going on. Four weeks into shcool ,and this is not a good sign considering that the mid term exams are just around the corner, cue after my birthday!
birthday birthday birthday, last tiem id be a decade+ old before hitting the two. How much did i achieve within approximately two decades, i think not much as compared to many people. but ok what i do with my remaning time will determind the kind of legacy i leave behind one day. Having a birthday, i dont really wish for manythings, jsut,, secret, shhhhh
i keep smiling to myself nowadays, one is becuase, i really miss some one terribly, and that i smile to myself and say its gonna be ok, that its gonna be ok and that i can also overcome my situation. Ultimately i realiesd that the only person who can really be there for you, is really only you . If you dont smile to yourself, no one else would.
why am i so easily excitable? I think it is becuase i really understand the how people often look out for the kind of enthusiasm in the topic in which tehy are talking about. i know that may times, people talk about things which do not interest you, however, even if it doesn't. Sometimes we just ignore completely, i know this is very convenient, but then it doesnt feel too good esp if u are the one on the recieving end of this cold shoulder. Therefore i always enthuse about smoething even though i may not be the slightest bit interested in it. but of course, being seemingly excited about the topic may make me seem like i am insincere, but no , do you know how tiring it is to even try to engage? yeh at least i am trying, you know. and if you dont, then dont judge me saying me that i am fake or whatever, superficial you call that. yeah, i just want to make people around me feel that i am at least, trying my best to be involved in their interest. Is this part of good EQ? question,
i am miss independent, sometimes i am fine doing things alone, just that i realised that i always get myself into a whole lot of mess before employing help and realising that it could have been done in the least complex manner. also that being said , haha having friends who save seats for you and all that, its really nice feeling for me becuase, i never really had people do that for me, spontaneously ,before. Its really nice.
judging from the way i see thigns, i guess that my love language is words of affirmation and physical touch, i love hugs, but why people around me, they are like stick figures,,,,,,,,,,, haha no hugs,, so sad, hahaha
people who make me feel secure always make me feel , very , very, comforted. but its so sad, becuase they cant alyways stay with you, and so i always have that feeling with me, just remind myself constantly that its going to be ok... but its so sad sometimes i feel like i am decieving myself., and its sad cos,,,, ( cant say , )
haha i talk to myself , also because iam lonely .lonely ,loner.. . . ha . ha . ha. but ia m totally fine with it ! it gives me time, to think about ymself ,and perhaps i am used to it, thats why i am fine doing many things alone. alone, whatever. besides, doing things alone, means u dnot have to really be too concerned about tthe feeligns about theother persno. This is also one of the reasons why i really dislike being with other people somteimes. SOme people think they are way too cool for you, or they think that you know/think they know/ think that you are not their type of poeple. and then they will just be doing their own things. You know its not a very nice feeling to know that people are NOT IN THEIR ELEMENT when they around you. you know right? after all its best when you are surrounded by people who bring out the best in you. and no one wants to feel the - my presence makes you feel unconfortable - thing.
oh well ,e nough nonsense. must read, must study!!!! hwaiting!!
wlel, the reason why i never really mention anyone on my blog, is because, well i alwyas wonder it that one day, when the person no longer becomes part of my life, i will feel really sad if i remember what we once were. Or taht sometiems, reeally dont want to remember all the sad things, and that the happy things and sad things just remain in my memory, and of course, the strongest and most distinct always stays on my mind. And also having said that, not mentioning anyone on a blog is a good thing, becuase you dont ever want to intentionally hurt anyone.
As a matter of fact, if i really do write about someone, sometimes it makes me feel very pretentious, if u want the full reason, u can just ask me, haha
i am insecure, it is true,
that how i alwyas feel that whatever i have achieved or done is very negligible. That sometmes i always feel undeserving of whatever i have gotten.
I wonder if its because of the new environment that i am immersed in,,, i feel very dumb. haha sunday, monday and tuesdays are now dedicated to writing lab reports. i dont know which is more insane or worrying, the fact that i am spending about 15hours to write a report each (high inefficiency) , or the fact that i dont really know what to do if it was not for the help of my friends.
i feel damn dumb seriously, its already 16 hoours worth of lecutres regarding each quantum mechanics and thermodynamics, and i am still not sure what is really going on. Four weeks into shcool ,and this is not a good sign considering that the mid term exams are just around the corner, cue after my birthday!
birthday birthday birthday, last tiem id be a decade+ old before hitting the two. How much did i achieve within approximately two decades, i think not much as compared to many people. but ok what i do with my remaning time will determind the kind of legacy i leave behind one day. Having a birthday, i dont really wish for manythings, jsut,, secret, shhhhh
i keep smiling to myself nowadays, one is becuase, i really miss some one terribly, and that i smile to myself and say its gonna be ok, that its gonna be ok and that i can also overcome my situation. Ultimately i realiesd that the only person who can really be there for you, is really only you . If you dont smile to yourself, no one else would.
why am i so easily excitable? I think it is becuase i really understand the how people often look out for the kind of enthusiasm in the topic in which tehy are talking about. i know that may times, people talk about things which do not interest you, however, even if it doesn't. Sometimes we just ignore completely, i know this is very convenient, but then it doesnt feel too good esp if u are the one on the recieving end of this cold shoulder. Therefore i always enthuse about smoething even though i may not be the slightest bit interested in it. but of course, being seemingly excited about the topic may make me seem like i am insincere, but no , do you know how tiring it is to even try to engage? yeh at least i am trying, you know. and if you dont, then dont judge me saying me that i am fake or whatever, superficial you call that. yeah, i just want to make people around me feel that i am at least, trying my best to be involved in their interest. Is this part of good EQ? question,
i am miss independent, sometimes i am fine doing things alone, just that i realised that i always get myself into a whole lot of mess before employing help and realising that it could have been done in the least complex manner. also that being said , haha having friends who save seats for you and all that, its really nice feeling for me becuase, i never really had people do that for me, spontaneously ,before. Its really nice.
judging from the way i see thigns, i guess that my love language is words of affirmation and physical touch, i love hugs, but why people around me, they are like stick figures,,,,,,,,,,, haha no hugs,, so sad, hahaha
people who make me feel secure always make me feel , very , very, comforted. but its so sad, becuase they cant alyways stay with you, and so i always have that feeling with me, just remind myself constantly that its going to be ok... but its so sad sometimes i feel like i am decieving myself., and its sad cos,,,, ( cant say , )
haha i talk to myself , also because iam lonely .lonely ,loner.. . . ha . ha . ha. but ia m totally fine with it ! it gives me time, to think about ymself ,and perhaps i am used to it, thats why i am fine doing many things alone. alone, whatever. besides, doing things alone, means u dnot have to really be too concerned about tthe feeligns about theother persno. This is also one of the reasons why i really dislike being with other people somteimes. SOme people think they are way too cool for you, or they think that you know/think they know/ think that you are not their type of poeple. and then they will just be doing their own things. You know its not a very nice feeling to know that people are NOT IN THEIR ELEMENT when they around you. you know right? after all its best when you are surrounded by people who bring out the best in you. and no one wants to feel the - my presence makes you feel unconfortable - thing.
oh well ,e nough nonsense. must read, must study!!!! hwaiting!!
what we could have been, 8:59 AM.
