Thursday, October 15, 2009
i cant really describe whatr i am feeling now
i am not angry, neither am i frustrated such that i am driving my head into the pillow.
its all this uncertainty, two types i am going to describe..
Uncertainty is good, in the sense that uncertainty with life makes it so exciting and unpredictable. We love predictability right, makes things stable,,, predictable,,,, safe... but uncertainty takes all of that away, it makes adventure,. forcing you to do things that youlve never done before, testing limist,, testing your boundaries,, which is why, you should accept challenges with open arms.
but,, an unceratinty which i really ,, erally dislike,, is uncertainty with who i am. uncertainty that makes me ,, so ,,,, unstable. strange right. I cant seem to figure out what kidn of person i am still. Still not konwing how i would really react in certain situations, what i really like. Even today, i bought a pair of shorts,A SIMPLE insignificant task really. and why do i mention such a small nitty gritty event? ,, becuause i couldn't even pick one that i like, Not that much goes through my mind when i buy it, , i dont even think about colour coordination. I dont know really, i like almost everything. But now knowing what i like really, that,, bugs me. this is the frustrating part.
my identityl Oh kK K K KK where are you ?? ?
cant seem to think out of the box.
i am not creative, like how people think i am .
i am not anything! for i am just , a human body, housing a soul, housing a brain, housing a someone, who ,, doesnt know what to do.
i am thinking of ,, switching majors to study life science.
how fickle right its been like almpst 7 months since the passing of the phase of " what do i wanna do" ,. but right now, i dont mind doing chemistry, itsjust that,, i dont seem to be so interested in it,, as much as i would like to,, the very reason what i liked chemistry, was when i discovered abotu the quantanery structures of protein,, and i found it so fascinating!! that how applicable it can be!! so fascinating! ,,, and right now,, what i am studying about how your molecular orbitals look like this,,
but,, there is still time for me tothnk about it. Changing course is a big risk. but like i said, the uncertainty,, its what makes it so exciting.. but at the same time, i am questioning if that is something i am truly interested in . . . - _ - . if i do decide to change,, then i must do it within next semester. LOL AND AM I REALLY changing due to the heat of the moment? haha like OH LOOKS INTERESTING, then i change? haha
please answer me, Stupid question. no one can right.
FICKLE fickle fickle minded.
can you be more decisive?
fear is not my only limit, if it was, i would have done it .Ability is my limit. can i do it WELL? is the concern about doing well?
ok if not~~~ i will just study a minor!! IN LIFE SCIENCE ! at least i am not really neglecting an interest, or~~~ minor in psyche/ F.S
haha, of course i am not even considering stuff like bidpoints or wtv, thats another limit, which i am not too concerned with.
seriously, i learnt my lesson, that doing something you dont even have a slight interest in ,, is very, is, ,very, very, bitter. in chinese, we say ku.. ( not about chemistry tho ) haha
i am not angry, neither am i frustrated such that i am driving my head into the pillow.
its all this uncertainty, two types i am going to describe..
Uncertainty is good, in the sense that uncertainty with life makes it so exciting and unpredictable. We love predictability right, makes things stable,,, predictable,,,, safe... but uncertainty takes all of that away, it makes adventure,. forcing you to do things that youlve never done before, testing limist,, testing your boundaries,, which is why, you should accept challenges with open arms.
but,, an unceratinty which i really ,, erally dislike,, is uncertainty with who i am. uncertainty that makes me ,, so ,,,, unstable. strange right. I cant seem to figure out what kidn of person i am still. Still not konwing how i would really react in certain situations, what i really like. Even today, i bought a pair of shorts,A SIMPLE insignificant task really. and why do i mention such a small nitty gritty event? ,, becuause i couldn't even pick one that i like, Not that much goes through my mind when i buy it, , i dont even think about colour coordination. I dont know really, i like almost everything. But now knowing what i like really, that,, bugs me. this is the frustrating part.
my identityl Oh kK K K KK where are you ?? ?
cant seem to think out of the box.
i am not creative, like how people think i am .
i am not anything! for i am just , a human body, housing a soul, housing a brain, housing a someone, who ,, doesnt know what to do.
i am thinking of ,, switching majors to study life science.
how fickle right its been like almpst 7 months since the passing of the phase of " what do i wanna do" ,. but right now, i dont mind doing chemistry, itsjust that,, i dont seem to be so interested in it,, as much as i would like to,, the very reason what i liked chemistry, was when i discovered abotu the quantanery structures of protein,, and i found it so fascinating!! that how applicable it can be!! so fascinating! ,,, and right now,, what i am studying about how your molecular orbitals look like this,,
but,, there is still time for me tothnk about it. Changing course is a big risk. but like i said, the uncertainty,, its what makes it so exciting.. but at the same time, i am questioning if that is something i am truly interested in . . . - _ - . if i do decide to change,, then i must do it within next semester. LOL AND AM I REALLY changing due to the heat of the moment? haha like OH LOOKS INTERESTING, then i change? haha
please answer me, Stupid question. no one can right.
FICKLE fickle fickle minded.
can you be more decisive?
fear is not my only limit, if it was, i would have done it .Ability is my limit. can i do it WELL? is the concern about doing well?
ok if not~~~ i will just study a minor!! IN LIFE SCIENCE ! at least i am not really neglecting an interest, or~~~ minor in psyche/ F.S
haha, of course i am not even considering stuff like bidpoints or wtv, thats another limit, which i am not too concerned with.
seriously, i learnt my lesson, that doing something you dont even have a slight interest in ,, is very, is, ,very, very, bitter. in chinese, we say ku.. ( not about chemistry tho ) haha
what we could have been, 4:05 AM.
