Okay. Two days. Two days. Two excruciating days and i'm free. Free to play. Free to clean my room table floor FACE and inerts. Haha i need a cleanse. a daily dose of the word. A daily dose of prayer. A daily dose of exercise. And a daily dose of good dreams. I need to stop integrating numbers and alphabets in my dreams. Lol breathe in breathe out. You've done this before. Don't freak after all this IS your forte why you so scared? You can do this thing! !

its the night and i am rpetty alive, well the weather is cooler and when you are alone and,, its good, i mean sometimes when u are really alone , left alone, you kinda can decieve yourself and comfort yourself that the real reason you are alone is becuase everyone is busy,. hahah


just came back from having like the longest talk with rachhh . haha finished my bio paper at 7. TRICKY i;d say. hahha and i was talking so much for ab out 1 hour after taht, i dont tihnk i even stopped talking! LOL well the paper was @@@, very tricky, damn and i was TRICKED. ugh but ok got a OK feeling about this paper: )


haha,, well aam so glad i actually finished FOUR exams ! omy tian, watched the nnja, ASSASSIN with rach just now, hahaha my comments? it was BLOODY nice. haha nice in a bloody way. Story line is .-_- mumbling sentences in between, more bloodshed. / .you see rain;s hot bodd... more flashbacks. smoe bloody scenes. and yup the end .h ahhahaha i never really saw blood splashed out like a fountain b4 tho . lol










oh well , i have tonnes to say but as usual i think that, i will just think about them first before i;ll write about it ,







gonna finally do some excercise after like 3 weeks of mumching on jidangaos and drinking lots of aspartame molecules in diet coke, . hahahhahah


oh wells
CHIONG
remember to congratulate me on the 1st december. i will be doin my jap test on that night too so!! HAHAHAHA CONGRATULATE ME : ) cant wait

hahahah
OGM I SURVIVED.
i actually survived.


haha and TODAY i had 2 papers!!!
hahaha and the econs, i guess it was pretty BASIC
but me lah,and yup those came out
wth!!! and i ALWAYS listen tot lectures.. ALYWAYS............ AND YET i forgot!!
but heck, reallly just heck already.
i mean i really did the ebst i could. haha


the other paper!? wellllllllllllll hahahahahha
no comments, i am glad its over. haha


when i was through with A levels, i was really thankful.,
i remember really, i wanted to die,
i wanted to die
and i was granted miraculous strength that brough me through,
hahaha






Now, i am going to do the best i can
i just study,i just study to the best that my human ability can,
and the rest, is in the Hands of the above








please grant me strength to tide through again
tomorriw is, the _____ paper. haha
take me through!!!!!!!

All i know is that i want to die =( so hard;!

all i know is that my eye bags are overpowering my eyes








all i know is that i may be living someone elses dream












all i know is that,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,










i wjust wanna pass first sem.


T_T

very very VERY sick....................
-_-





#!@#!@#!@ : (((((!!

WHY HAVE I LOST MY MOTIVATION!!!
CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT


ok i only HAVE FOUR days till my exam :)
WHICH! hahahaha
OMg its



Do WELL, Do OK, DIE or DIE horribly


when your JC teachers tell you that uni is WAYYYYYY better
please remember that ,
1) they are prolly second class upper / first class honors, so of course! they will thank that uni is a blast, afterall they are like the creme of the crop of their corhot! aka, damn zai

2) they are prolly dream chasers! haha damn passionate about it, so of course they love it ! haha


not that we are not right,
yup ,i think this is the reason, hahahah
then u come and realies that they are lying......................
oh well
hhahah




ANYWAY CHIONG : ) !! HAHAHAH~~~~~~~~~

I hate being an extrovert and i hate myself for being so open about my feelings all the freakhog time. This is my weakness. That ve mood of people around me has become a drug that i depend no. The response that i get is A drug that makes me happy. Especially if i can make someone else feel better. I made a good friend named someone like that too~! Which i Can totally relate =) but hello, good friend you completely forgot me=(. Haha. . ,feelings suck really. I have it when people refuse to share. I don't like people around me hurt. I don't like secrets to be kept. Perhaps its because when some one keeps something from you. Part of ve reason could be because they don't trust you enough. Which man that sucks. I'm not trustworthy enough i guess.. But its ok. I guess its through many things which one gives themselves away really =( damn sad and moody today. Perhaps its the weather. Its gonna be the exams soon. I have no motivation today. . . I'm just. Really sad and down beyond words.

I AM DETERMINED
I AM WORKING HARD
i WILL work even harder : )
hahahah






my goal is , to be able to answer with confidence.
i dont want to be the chemMAJ who is afraid to answer your Question
i want to be a mentor
to be a role model.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i wonder what the jap exam would be like this sun
hahaha
sEIROUSYL not gonna go study for it .hahaha







OMANSSSSSSSSSSSS JIAU ! : )













STUDYYYYYYY ~~ for exams,, hahaha
study study.

i can never seem to comprehend anything thats going on around me
haha the mystries of everything. without uncertainty, mystery and stuff, life would be too mundane , wouldn;t it ? haha




suddenly i just feel so laxed about everything
nevermind that the exams are coming in about two weeks,
nevermind that i have no clue what is really happening.
nevermind that one semester;s fee is enough to pay for what, the necessities of another family.



nevermind,







why do i keep thinking that i want to change a major? i should really just focus on what i have right now, haha perhaps i will just stick to Chem + Fnsic science minor + korean language! haha :) hahaha if i can! woopie ;lifescience leh? ahhaha





dumbass la, the sem is coming to an end. feel like taking 6 mods next sem, i dont know manz. haha i shall see how
i just want to survive this semester!!!





japanese exam is next week, which takes up like THREE nights?!,. .the timing is so not nice please. i will jsut get it over and done with, haha-----!










did you know that hydrogen could be a metal too? damn cool. hahahaha
other than tis,, not much stuff has happened. mundane oh mundane..... Just, very. .strange...... to me ... i really just wnat the exams to be freaking OVER IOVER OVER .. on the first december ok , so on the first december, which my paper finishes in the morning , u can come up to me and i will give you the biggest hug in thee world : ) : ) : ) : ) holidays, i wnana do a lot of productive stuff HEHEHE : )







haha i just want to sink into the embrace of a pillow now, ~ its gonna be ok!




i step out of myself, i see myself, hmm and i am not happy with what i see. hhaha but all that will change!! hoho starting now : )




i am preparing myself.
for the greater things ahead.
i am the fighter. the scientist. The strong woman.

they always say

leave your work at the desk


omg, i am so tired

in my dream, the words NON bONDING kept appearing
just get out of my headddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd







i feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo TIRED
haha i just want to sleep another day. . .hahaha and its a freakign cold weather. haha












i wanna sleep~ SLEEP~ sleep~





cannot sleep properly leh
what is worse right

women are strong creatures,
the modern women especially.


In the past, the woman that were most delicate and would faint at the slightest things and go OH HEAVENS~~ and fall in the most graceful manner were the most, sought after. feminine, they call it. The ones who would walk slowly in the daintiest of manner. Stay home and take good care of the kids and all the wonderful things.



But the modern wmoan is different, Even with the killer high heels , the modern woman can run after the bus. even when carrying a child ,they can wear heels AND go to work AND Carry the child AND look good. The modern woman can bao gao liao. and wlel, if we cant do all the things that traditionally, women can do, the resourceful women are witty enough to hire extra help. haha i mean really, if not why do you earn money? so that you can buy time by buying extra help to help you do things which you do not have time for.






sie! so women, stop behaving weakly, and stand up for yourselves! dont let men belittle you. haha sheesh.






oh well, i am just stating facts la anyway.


oh my, i need an attitude cahnge. i need to drop the " drop out of school " mentatlity and study like nuts!! hahaha
i am strong., i will have a min cap of 3.8 for sem 1 . haha






just WATCH me ! hahaha
in control, i can , i can, i CAN! : )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cq_7RTrJgQ







SUPER CUTE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHa










OK I AM FUCKING MEANIE I ADMIT IT
I SHALL SHUT UP AND STUDY NOW : ) \














LOTSA LOEVE
I LVOE YOU SLEEP
good night!
GET OUT OF MY FREAKING DREAMS!

hmm
i think
i feel evil
thats why
hahaha
i was a mean bitch









but sometimes you have to be mean , in order to hurt someone else bad enough for them to realise.



i hate to hurt other people.
cos sometimes its just the only way,










hhhhhhhhhhh
ITS OK
kang han yuh ja,
i almost feel like giving up in uni,
i think its cos of laziness. haha
just lazy to study.
but no thats a wrong attitude.
drop out of school
but no,
no
no
i cannot do that.
i cannto that
get out of my mind
tihs thought.
get out of my mind
i am going to spend the rest of my three weeks studying like shit










hahahaha CSO NOTHING CAN AFFECT ME
i am DISCONNECTED FROM MY FEELINGS
comepletely disconnected,
i have no feelings
i have no feelings
i am a heartless pesron
a nobody. first


















i am to be alone.
i am so mean thats why.
just
shut up, and study,
study
study.














haha just shut up and study













DREam big, i am nobody, prepare me to be somebody.

its, eventful i must say,





i dnot think i handled a few situations very well,
i think i let my emotions get into the way.
i behave like a child still, i still do.
i was overwhelmed by my emotions.
i cannot even describe how i feel.

and for a person who does not have very straight clear cut views , i am too easily wavered and i dont haev a fixed view point, now that makes it difficult, cos i think i think all points but just , i dont have a fixed one, and,,,,,,,,,,, hahahaa i think it just makes me sound like a liar,















how i treat others.
how i treat my guests










haha i think i learnt,













when you have a band aid, just rip it off, it really hurts less.
after this whole incident, i found out who my friends really are, and how much i really have to treasure them, and i feel even more underserving. my friends keep telling me that all this while, it is not my fault. Even so, i feel deeply , indebted to them, so so indebted, i cannot even explain. its my first time, i;ve seen so many of my friends , so tired about one incident, which i was not even aware of in the first place. How could i have been so insensitive? even though i knew things in the beginning, i should not have kept mum about it. I am just a nobody, i am just a tidmid, not bold, scared of everything girl who does not deserve anyone;s attention, haha how could so many minds, hours, memory space, hearts, time, time time........ have been involved ,, just for this, simple minded, nobody.


i am insulted, and i was angry, becuase, the riddiculous things, involved me and i didn;t even know about it .so many problems caused,, and my friends were suffering in silence becuase of me and i didnt realise it earlier. W hen i could have done something earlier to alleviate all these. i feel insulted, because, i didnt; w ant to be remembered this way. i never intended for things like that to happen.. i never did but it did. insulted that my freedom was not respected. being evaluated for every single action. insulted that i am treated like a book to be read. to be predicted. Angry becuase everything i did was made into a mountain,and caused so much trouble, even though its just something small. very insulting, being watched over everything. and no , my life stories , are not jokes, not to be simply PREDICTED by someone, or anyone in fact. No one should be treated like a readable book, no one should be treated like they can be written, replicated. anything , NO ONE.





i dont know, how many how many perceptions are there about me, but now , i cannot really give a damn,, i really don;t give a damn. we are all too tired, too too tired, mentally drained.





haha, but on the bright side, at least its for a better change.
for an improvement. for thigns to be better.
and the end of a four month long secret i;ve kept.
no more, going to school, thinking how i should, move away.
the end of a perhaps, damage of friendships.
moving on,, really moving on ,, , haha














i really want to rest, we are all too tired, ive been sleeping so much, not doing much work,, but, haha what is going on really?







haha,

but its ok ,
i am little miss happy. things will be good ,i just know it. for now, final exams!! : ) smile!!

: ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





whoa its an eventful , week, hahaha



-0-@ hahahaha
'










anyway exams soon!! i will mug hard i will finish this race well ,and with my best : ) ! hahahaha : )~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SMILE A?ND LAUGH AND LOVE AND HUGS HAHAHAHAHA

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