Sunday, November 1, 2009
its, eventful i must say,
i dnot think i handled a few situations very well,
i think i let my emotions get into the way.
i behave like a child still, i still do.
i was overwhelmed by my emotions.
i cannot even describe how i feel.
and for a person who does not have very straight clear cut views , i am too easily wavered and i dont haev a fixed view point, now that makes it difficult, cos i think i think all points but just , i dont have a fixed one, and,,,,,,,,,,, hahahaa i think it just makes me sound like a liar,
how i treat others.
how i treat my guests
haha i think i learnt,
when you have a band aid, just rip it off, it really hurts less.
after this whole incident, i found out who my friends really are, and how much i really have to treasure them, and i feel even more underserving. my friends keep telling me that all this while, it is not my fault. Even so, i feel deeply , indebted to them, so so indebted, i cannot even explain. its my first time, i;ve seen so many of my friends , so tired about one incident, which i was not even aware of in the first place. How could i have been so insensitive? even though i knew things in the beginning, i should not have kept mum about it. I am just a nobody, i am just a tidmid, not bold, scared of everything girl who does not deserve anyone;s attention, haha how could so many minds, hours, memory space, hearts, time, time time........ have been involved ,, just for this, simple minded, nobody.
i am insulted, and i was angry, becuase, the riddiculous things, involved me and i didn;t even know about it .so many problems caused,, and my friends were suffering in silence becuase of me and i didnt realise it earlier. W hen i could have done something earlier to alleviate all these. i feel insulted, because, i didnt; w ant to be remembered this way. i never intended for things like that to happen.. i never did but it did. insulted that my freedom was not respected. being evaluated for every single action. insulted that i am treated like a book to be read. to be predicted. Angry becuase everything i did was made into a mountain,and caused so much trouble, even though its just something small. very insulting, being watched over everything. and no , my life stories , are not jokes, not to be simply PREDICTED by someone, or anyone in fact. No one should be treated like a readable book, no one should be treated like they can be written, replicated. anything , NO ONE.
i dont know, how many how many perceptions are there about me, but now , i cannot really give a damn,, i really don;t give a damn. we are all too tired, too too tired, mentally drained.
haha, but on the bright side, at least its for a better change.
for an improvement. for thigns to be better.
and the end of a four month long secret i;ve kept.
no more, going to school, thinking how i should, move away.
the end of a perhaps, damage of friendships.
moving on,, really moving on ,, , haha
i really want to rest, we are all too tired, ive been sleeping so much, not doing much work,, but, haha what is going on really?
haha,
but its ok ,
i am little miss happy. things will be good ,i just know it. for now, final exams!! : ) smile!!
i dnot think i handled a few situations very well,
i think i let my emotions get into the way.
i behave like a child still, i still do.
i was overwhelmed by my emotions.
i cannot even describe how i feel.
and for a person who does not have very straight clear cut views , i am too easily wavered and i dont haev a fixed view point, now that makes it difficult, cos i think i think all points but just , i dont have a fixed one, and,,,,,,,,,,, hahahaa i think it just makes me sound like a liar,
how i treat others.
how i treat my guests
haha i think i learnt,
when you have a band aid, just rip it off, it really hurts less.
after this whole incident, i found out who my friends really are, and how much i really have to treasure them, and i feel even more underserving. my friends keep telling me that all this while, it is not my fault. Even so, i feel deeply , indebted to them, so so indebted, i cannot even explain. its my first time, i;ve seen so many of my friends , so tired about one incident, which i was not even aware of in the first place. How could i have been so insensitive? even though i knew things in the beginning, i should not have kept mum about it. I am just a nobody, i am just a tidmid, not bold, scared of everything girl who does not deserve anyone;s attention, haha how could so many minds, hours, memory space, hearts, time, time time........ have been involved ,, just for this, simple minded, nobody.
i am insulted, and i was angry, becuase, the riddiculous things, involved me and i didn;t even know about it .so many problems caused,, and my friends were suffering in silence becuase of me and i didnt realise it earlier. W hen i could have done something earlier to alleviate all these. i feel insulted, because, i didnt; w ant to be remembered this way. i never intended for things like that to happen.. i never did but it did. insulted that my freedom was not respected. being evaluated for every single action. insulted that i am treated like a book to be read. to be predicted. Angry becuase everything i did was made into a mountain,and caused so much trouble, even though its just something small. very insulting, being watched over everything. and no , my life stories , are not jokes, not to be simply PREDICTED by someone, or anyone in fact. No one should be treated like a readable book, no one should be treated like they can be written, replicated. anything , NO ONE.
i dont know, how many how many perceptions are there about me, but now , i cannot really give a damn,, i really don;t give a damn. we are all too tired, too too tired, mentally drained.
haha, but on the bright side, at least its for a better change.
for an improvement. for thigns to be better.
and the end of a four month long secret i;ve kept.
no more, going to school, thinking how i should, move away.
the end of a perhaps, damage of friendships.
moving on,, really moving on ,, , haha
i really want to rest, we are all too tired, ive been sleeping so much, not doing much work,, but, haha what is going on really?
haha,
but its ok ,
i am little miss happy. things will be good ,i just know it. for now, final exams!! : ) smile!!
what we could have been, 8:08 AM.
