Tuesday, February 9, 2010
i;m too pissed with myself
for being so impatient with myself.
so childish in my behaviour
but its becaues i am so impatient with my learning
perhaps its becuase i am quite slow when it comes to certain things
don't wait for me ,why becuase i am not a good friend
don't include me , why becusae i am not an interesting person
becasue i am always so uncertain.
if we are people who are being entrusted with important things
shouldn;t we not just take things for it being IT
and shouldn;t we push the boundaries? and not just take the answer for it ,
growing up i never really picked answers most commonly picked
the first i ever discovered was when the teacher said " which shepherd looks like he is going to reach the DEAD end" , which obviously in the piece of puzzle, which is a maze whereby you use the pencil and lead it to the sheep, and ,,,, there were two shepherds drawn. one in bright purple coat which had this obvious splash of " PICK ME " kind of thing. whereeas the other was a dull brown coloured shepherd.. and obviously everyone else picked the purple one, and only i picked the brown one.
what does this show
do i try to be different all the time?
why do people always do the safe things,, and just becsue it always shows the accepted answer AT THAT TIMe.and is always proven to be correct.
but anwyay so what if i chose an alternate answer,, its wrong!
act smart is it ?
inside my mind i am so simple.
and to be extremely honest, i am not even smart.
i never thought ten years ago, that i would be in such a niche course.
The girl who JUST PASSED math in primary four,
the girl who JUST passed everything.
the girl who scored < 200 for PSLE
whe girl who said that the potato is not a root.
coming to this place here,
where people can tell you the most blatent answers in the face about things they knew just sometime earlier to life. but what about me, the girl who doesn;t even know anything like that.
it is not stupidity.
it is just that they were exposed to these knowledge at a very young age.
certainly if iwas exposed to the same things wehn i was younger i would have known too.
Facts. why do people become proud after they know FACTS.
don't look at me with eyes of contempt just becasue i ask questions.
just because the young boy can remember many things at a young age does it show that he is smart ? or just that he has a good memory.
What is this purpose of me studying this thing, thing thing
for certain things i canont accept.
for certain things my brain tends to overthink
ah...
why am i here anyway
just a question book for everything?
This is why i dont even intend to become a teacher
for one thing which is that i have more questions for every answer i give.
I wonder of God;s plans.
what is the purpose?
am i in the wrong place now
its not too late for me to change.
its not too late.
what is my purpose here
hahah
what hav i learnt so far
that your tears are actually powerful substances that can KILL bacteria. LOL
i am learning to accept.
but dumbass
the last person whom you should ever allow to look down on you is YOU yourself!
grace peace and PATIENCE.
let it become of me .
for being so impatient with myself.
so childish in my behaviour
but its becaues i am so impatient with my learning
perhaps its becuase i am quite slow when it comes to certain things
don't wait for me ,why becuase i am not a good friend
don't include me , why becusae i am not an interesting person
becasue i am always so uncertain.
if we are people who are being entrusted with important things
shouldn;t we not just take things for it being IT
and shouldn;t we push the boundaries? and not just take the answer for it ,
growing up i never really picked answers most commonly picked
the first i ever discovered was when the teacher said " which shepherd looks like he is going to reach the DEAD end" , which obviously in the piece of puzzle, which is a maze whereby you use the pencil and lead it to the sheep, and ,,,, there were two shepherds drawn. one in bright purple coat which had this obvious splash of " PICK ME " kind of thing. whereeas the other was a dull brown coloured shepherd.. and obviously everyone else picked the purple one, and only i picked the brown one.
what does this show
do i try to be different all the time?
why do people always do the safe things,, and just becsue it always shows the accepted answer AT THAT TIMe.and is always proven to be correct.
but anwyay so what if i chose an alternate answer,, its wrong!
act smart is it ?
inside my mind i am so simple.
and to be extremely honest, i am not even smart.
i never thought ten years ago, that i would be in such a niche course.
The girl who JUST PASSED math in primary four,
the girl who JUST passed everything.
the girl who scored < 200 for PSLE
whe girl who said that the potato is not a root.
coming to this place here,
where people can tell you the most blatent answers in the face about things they knew just sometime earlier to life. but what about me, the girl who doesn;t even know anything like that.
it is not stupidity.
it is just that they were exposed to these knowledge at a very young age.
certainly if iwas exposed to the same things wehn i was younger i would have known too.
Facts. why do people become proud after they know FACTS.
don't look at me with eyes of contempt just becasue i ask questions.
just because the young boy can remember many things at a young age does it show that he is smart ? or just that he has a good memory.
What is this purpose of me studying this thing, thing thing
for certain things i canont accept.
for certain things my brain tends to overthink
ah...
why am i here anyway
just a question book for everything?
This is why i dont even intend to become a teacher
for one thing which is that i have more questions for every answer i give.
I wonder of God;s plans.
what is the purpose?
am i in the wrong place now
its not too late for me to change.
its not too late.
what is my purpose here
hahah
what hav i learnt so far
that your tears are actually powerful substances that can KILL bacteria. LOL
i am learning to accept.
but dumbass
the last person whom you should ever allow to look down on you is YOU yourself!
grace peace and PATIENCE.
let it become of me .
what we could have been, 7:41 AM.
