Saturday, May 1, 2010
dear journal
i really hate this 三分钟热度 kind of feeling,
you know when you suddenly have this strong surge of inspiration,that you felt STRONGLY led to do something, you tried, and things didn;t work out,
you decide to shove it aside, and if, well, you were really to be called to do it,, then those windows of opportunity would " spring" our for you again,
you thought, perhaps, then was not the time for you to do it, so it would have been to a latter date that you would get your opportunity, when you have more maturity to do things, more wisdom to do the things,
but when that window of opportunity comes, suddenly, you dont feel that, zest and excitement that you used to have for it , tat kind of love, or that burning passion that once existed in your eyes , gleaming and beaming with joy, its not there anymore.
then you wonder to yourself if it was " meant to be " at all. or was it just a fragment of your imagination , something you deceived yourself to have. something you just " thought" it was for yours.
you could use this, pertaining to relationships, your dreams, your passion mostly. for me, its just a sort of ,, calling perhaps you can say that.
when can i ever have soemthing that is soley mine, for me, my thing,
you know. your thing!, that thing
everyone has something
something that they are associated it
that girl, with the pretty looks
that girl, with the great talent
that person, with that charisma,
that girl, with that influence.
ETC
i am talking about things which enable people to
a )earn a living with ( worldly)
b) serve other people with,.
arg when is this window of opportunity going to come,,
what is this, specific door that i must open?
what ?
i know availability,
i have all these dreams, DESIRES perhaps you can say. desires,
perhpas the reason why they are not given by God is becuase , they are not for the right reasons,
we dont know for sure,
i dont know if these sudden passion, or Zest for something is God given, if they were then why cant i look at the same thing with the same kind of love and zest i had before?
was i merely decieving myself?
Oh God please lift me out of this
give me a new perspective.
give me a glimmer of hope.
tell me what to do.
i need some instructions
i am so desperate.
i getting so irritated
everything i do becomes
corrected , DOUBTED
or ,, i dont know, they dont believe what i say
esp my sisters.
so irritating.
people think that people who talk a lot are empty headed.
dumb
UNWISE
or like me
if you like to squeal in a high pitched manner
enthuse about small little things
in the most attention seeking manner perhaps
i dont know how i got hath
but people think its bimbotic right
hhaa
i mean if u see it on TV.
stereotypical,
you think " ha bimbo'
dont judge.
so just becuase some one more serious
or someone from LAW school,. or medcine. or a political figure head says it , you believe it,
but coming from me ? you haev to DOUBT it first.
dont you just hate it ?
its almost atkin to the
" i am TELLIN you , and not ASKING you"
so stop telling me " i dont know " or " maybe"
scenario.
irritating right?
u tell someone something and they say, maybe~ , when HELLO i am tellin you that this is the blimming Truth damn it.
but it s human nature.
they only trust "souces with credibility" .
well if u must "travel the world just to see the small things so that you can appreciate what you have" then i think that you are the one with the myopic vision,
you are in singapore, already living a very blessed life, with a very stable political environment, you dont worry about political unrest them oment you step otu of your house, you live a blessed life. other people may not even have a space on the bus ride to work and hook on to the sides of the bus clinging on in a natural manner when all you can think of is complaining that the mrt is stuffy and super hot, aircon is not strong enough.
i mean i am sure that we do complain about other things, perhaps not directly about the air con, stuffiness or whatever. commonly how SMALL and uninteresting singapore can be is like the most common thing i hear people complain about. which , by the way i dont htink singaporei s uninteresting, / or when universal studios is already open but you complain that its SMALL?, haha you know , all these things never crossed my mind, until people complained about it,
like why do you complain about the smallness when there is much to compliment? so much stuff there is there! artificial environments are not easy to recreate, extreme rides and simply old settings ina modern environment, the gravel in the ground the sand used to reclaim that very land you stand upon.
its like this, if its small, just enjoy. if its hot , JUST FAN! . if its hard just DO! if the queue is Long then just WAIT! isnt that what a queue is ? if u dont expect to wait in a queue then,, i think thats weird.
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold outc the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothin
--Philippians 2:14-16a
oh i am not sayng that i am perfect btw, i am not saying that i dont complain, but i am definite that i dont complain abotu much of those stuff and if you do know me , haha i do complain about character. haha you cna say its a flaw of mine, you can say i am judgmental, . haha i am trying to change that.
but anyway, my point is that.,, dont be myopic .
you have all these things around you which you can see,
things you can learn from every single person,
haha i think i am talking a bit too much about myself here now .
deviating from the point , ahah by a large margin. i think i am just starting to be quite disappointed thats all.. . .
: (
oh man,
i really need the opportunities.
what we could have been, 8:09 AM.
