Thursday, September 30, 2010
dear blog,
i guess i am just, expecting too much of myself.
but sometimes if you dont push your limits you will never know
no doubt and i do not deny it
that i am pretty mundane,
school ,home then sleep.
saturday;s church, and sunday its family,
and pretty much i am alone every day,
don't have to mention about my LACK of social life.
am i a good girl?
yes i am, haha
but somehow i am still like some kind of small whiny kid,
which i realised myself slipping into nowadays, i dont know why
and its annoying, like X 10000 becuase i am already OLD and i should just shut up and deal with things
HAHA yeh i do deal with things, but with the whining too of course
gotta stop that, yep
haha
do you know why i whine?
well sometimes when we have a limitation , we could look at it and blame ourselves for it , a weakness so to say,
and for myself i wont deny saying that i keep telling myself that I AM REALLY SLOWwwwwwww slow slow slow, or that i keep having to work twice as hard as other people ,o r spend like almost twice the amount of time to get the same thing as other people.
but sometimes i forget to embrace my flaws and just move on frmo there, you know what i mean? somtimes forgetting that its a flaw and working around it makes it so much mrore bearable, and iekep forgetting that, instead i repeatedly tell myself that i have these flaws , , haha
this is the time i tell myeslf to shut up and just move on,
haha
they say that people normally lack love and social and oging to church does meet those needs ( fellowshipping with fellow members) .yeh i do feel like that sometimes cos i am almost like ALONE every single day.
i even stopped my piano classes
i don't give tuition
i don't really visit my dad every week
i don't really watch tv.
i only study when i need to,
i do my homework* try *
i go to church
sometimes i skip live group.
i don't even know how to drive
i don;t go out with my friends
so even though my activities are alsmot just ,EVERYTHING within my necessities, then why is it that i feel like time is running out all the time?
perhaps its cos i am so alone all the time,
or that i am spending my time alone that every time i have is ME time all the time,
yep i guess one of my greatest fears is to be old and lonely,
it is quite a disturbingn feeling
yet everyday somehow i feel that i am drawing closer to that kind of future
YEt i speak life into it .
haha recognizing this, i have decided to make the following amendments
1) Be nice and PRESENT to everyone around me ( keep having to remind myself this )
2) Not to make derogatory remarks about myself and not whine
3) study hard and not to take afternoon naps so often Haha......
with change comes prayer! :)
shuT up and start doing.
i guess i am just, expecting too much of myself.
but sometimes if you dont push your limits you will never know
no doubt and i do not deny it
that i am pretty mundane,
school ,home then sleep.
saturday;s church, and sunday its family,
and pretty much i am alone every day,
don't have to mention about my LACK of social life.
am i a good girl?
yes i am, haha
but somehow i am still like some kind of small whiny kid,
which i realised myself slipping into nowadays, i dont know why
and its annoying, like X 10000 becuase i am already OLD and i should just shut up and deal with things
HAHA yeh i do deal with things, but with the whining too of course
gotta stop that, yep
haha
do you know why i whine?
well sometimes when we have a limitation , we could look at it and blame ourselves for it , a weakness so to say,
and for myself i wont deny saying that i keep telling myself that I AM REALLY SLOWwwwwwww slow slow slow, or that i keep having to work twice as hard as other people ,o r spend like almost twice the amount of time to get the same thing as other people.
but sometimes i forget to embrace my flaws and just move on frmo there, you know what i mean? somtimes forgetting that its a flaw and working around it makes it so much mrore bearable, and iekep forgetting that, instead i repeatedly tell myself that i have these flaws , , haha
this is the time i tell myeslf to shut up and just move on,
haha
they say that people normally lack love and social and oging to church does meet those needs ( fellowshipping with fellow members) .yeh i do feel like that sometimes cos i am almost like ALONE every single day.
i even stopped my piano classes
i don't give tuition
i don't really visit my dad every week
i don't really watch tv.
i only study when i need to,
i do my homework* try *
i go to church
sometimes i skip live group.
i don't even know how to drive
i don;t go out with my friends
so even though my activities are alsmot just ,EVERYTHING within my necessities, then why is it that i feel like time is running out all the time?
perhaps its cos i am so alone all the time,
or that i am spending my time alone that every time i have is ME time all the time,
yep i guess one of my greatest fears is to be old and lonely,
it is quite a disturbingn feeling
yet everyday somehow i feel that i am drawing closer to that kind of future
YEt i speak life into it .
haha recognizing this, i have decided to make the following amendments
1) Be nice and PRESENT to everyone around me ( keep having to remind myself this )
2) Not to make derogatory remarks about myself and not whine
3) study hard and not to take afternoon naps so often Haha......
with change comes prayer! :)
shuT up and start doing.
what we could have been, 7:17 AM.
