i really wanna tak to him about it
sigh one more day just oen ore day
i just feel like saying F and then su this module
haha
but to su a module u need to pass it haha

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



i am totally betraying myself


God please set me free
please i beg you
T_T!

wthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i am going to start studying now
omg lah i am so dead
only have 25 more hours to study for my exam!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH * screams *
God provide a miracle please.

intimacy is left for your spouse...
if you are intimate with someone else to her than her,
then its not fair to her and its not fair to her next time,
that day i should have stopped you ;;
even though i liked the feeling but actually
after that i felt really cheap.
: T cos i hav no feelings i really feel like an object after that.

i am really sorry i let you touch me,

humans are physical creatures,
even if i felt like i like the feeling when you touch me,
but actually when you kiss me, i feel very,
cheap.









yeah but God does not want me to use this shame, and guilt to ..
consume me and He forgives me and i thoguht i should let your know.
sigh if you really love me then don't touch me.

dear blog
ive done things which i am ashamed of.
im so sorry

dear blog

its not fair to me
haha
but i keep making use of myself
sigh
idno lah
i suck

dear blog
haha






OK so i only did one chapter.
im so screwed if i continue at this pace,
sigh God please save me
i need a miracle.
i wnt to vomit mnow for i feel so sick and stressed
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
T_T tis ok
still got one day to study.
i neeed to wake up my idea.

dear blog
i dno if telling you this now iwll even help
but ahha my exam is in two hours and i am not kidding
HAHA
omgggggggggggg

dear blog
i dno if telling you this now iwll even help
but ahha my exam is in two hours and i am not kidding
HAHA
omgggggggggggg

dear blog
today;s exam was ZZ


id id my best but apparently i did read through everything but failed to memorise EVERYTHING HAHA
kina careless though,,,, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
but nvmmmmmmmmm
letting myself off easy for this time


stupid boy, distracted me for one week. haha


but nvm its ok, its ok, one small exam does not hinder me from becomeing what i will become :)


ok hoping to cram thiese 13 chapters of organic madeness into hte brain by 10 pm then i can practice : ) HAHA









GO baby go :)










i ma not going to expect anything already.
BYE

dear blog
i dno why i am telling you this ow
but i am cramming for my exam which is like in ,, i dno, 12+4= 16 hours time. HAHAHA SHUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSS
minus one hour ,. twelve leave home
if i sleep by about 1 today, wake up at about 8, and study and read till twelve.
this leaves me with about 4 hours cram time now , haa
crap
hahahah
OKKKKKKKKKKK JIA YOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

dear blog
i am cramming
never felt so unprepared like this before
but there is always a first time for everything right
haha








nvm lah,

dear blog
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
haha
i feel so unprepared for the exam
just pray that god can carry me through









T_TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
sigh i just want to cry and not caare but
no cannot
we aree big kids,
we must
do what we can do
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
yeh this shows u one thing
kids are lazy when they just CRYT and want that thing
z

sigh so perfect
hahah
when i look at myself..
umm haha
ok mediocre.









HAHA
okkkkkkk just stduy ok
then you can cnocentrate on doing whatever you want after that
hahah









GOGOGO

hey,

i can really sense his sincerety
and i can tell, when he says he really loves,
thinks,..
i can tell...

the look in his eyes when i tell him that i can't eat
the seriousness in his voice
something so enchanting about that look,
when he makes a promise






something bout it ,, that makes me beleive,
though all these things and promises will need time to fufil
i think i will grant him this chance,



haha,, of course many poeople may think like
" dno if can trsut guys or not, cos in the beginning they say thigns like they love you and that you consume their mind and things like that"

can you tell me ? can beleive guys or not ,



hard to say rightm, becasue not all guys are like that
and one who can keeop his peace becasue he respects that theyare of different religion.
one who says he will be happy if she found smoeone else
one who says that he felt really bad that she was hurt
one who says that he is lucky
one who can say that he wants to take care of her for the rest of her life,
one who regrets that" he is not born a christian"


can i tell you how sweet he is?


how he respects me in suhc a a special way
that he does not expect anything from me
haha,
and cutely, though, how he guides my hand to write a chinese word that i cant. AHHA







are you serious?
i dont know man
but he keeps reassuring me,

haha i know he can sense my disbelief;; but yeh i know he knosws that time and situations will tell

i mean i am inexperienced ou want to tell me your experience? did someone promise you so much and then just eventually becomes a jerk like that haha


i did hear of one incident tho, he likes her. she doesntt. she eventually does. halfway he does not want to continue this,
now that a jerk
\

but somehow just as my friend i do trust him, that he is not one
though sometimes he does behavee like one, haha but i can tell he doesn;t mean it
by taking a risk and taking calculated steps.
i beleive that when things happen we have a trust that will remain regardless.
no matter what happens he my best friend and i his best friend






caouldn't bel.ieve it at first
how can someone say he loves her
so hard to beleive
it took her like 19 years to even accept and love herself
and 1 year for her best friend to love her?
really? wow..



but you know all my life i never expected people to do things for me
and i alwys give in to peopl
and for one to want to give in to me its just too amazing for me to believe <3
haha

but judging from my style.
if he is willing to give and work hard like that
next semeseter i am willing to take up an equally busy life just to show him that all these things are possible.









sigh,
God though i don't raelly know you too well
i pray i can know you even better
and i pray that as he knows you too,
i know that you will change his life
and i pray that when he knows you that God you revela yourself to him too! and that you have been the joy in my life and that you guide our paths and that you guide his paths too.

and in years to come
if you say yes and when it is your timing and you allow us
thank You.


for now, i dedicate my youthinto yourr hands
knowing that You are in full control of every situation in my life.


in Jesus name i pray
Amen,





i just want the exams to be over

come on baby just studyyyyyyyy! HAHA

dear blog
sometimes i dont know what i am doing,
but m haha
i trust that i am doing the right thing : )




haha.its ok! haha
well its1230 and there is tonnes to be done ,haha
better get going : )
gonna finish my organic tutorial and tomorrow i will start my physical chemistry, htnen friday sat sunday i will start on my inorganic, i hope i have enough time, when monday starts i wnot even have any time left.



fighting keessssssss











ok i set a new goal
i will work hard next sem
next sem i will be super consistent
i will understand everything i am studying
for now i will just do my best at what i can
i dont believe that its too hard for me ,
haha




we will work hard together
i promise.
someday perhaps i can return to you
1000 times what you give to me
but first we will see what
your billion really is.





hahaa
:)

dear blog,
i feel a lot less cheap,
i actually feel valued,
thsi guy is so serious





he is so sweet, i cant; break his heart,
thats how i love him, i love him enough not to break his heart,
yeah








i also fear the time i will say i love you
then it would be so hard to let go
but i trust God that iif its meant to be, it will happen,
in a matter of 5 or 6 years perhaps
he will become a man of God
a man after God;s heart
and in the same way, if he still has a heart that is so deeply in love and if i were to really reciprocate it and God allows it,,,
then, we will have a life together,






that is ideally. haha if God placed this perfect man in my life
yup
for now i cannot wait to see how God will change his life
its going to be an exciting journey

dear blog
ic annot wait till all this heell is over
seriously.
haha







OK i am goign to chiong tonight
i dont care.


OK I WILL FINISH 3 CHAPTERS OF ORGANIC ?BY TODAY:)
go baby go baby go! haha






wow i feel that things are a lot better :) haha

















ohhhhhhhh i cant wait
to indulge
sleep,,
running
driving
pianoing
facials
girly stuff
shoppingggggggg

K
i suddenly feel damn motivated



i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
apparently studying is not the most lethal weapon
nothing emotional is a lethal weapon



zz . though i would not want to take the exams AT ALL i have no choice.




just do this baby just do this
i can i can i can i can
haha










sigh , you konw sometimes you really think about the most ideal situation
ideal guyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
ideal resultssssssssss
ideal, i dno relationship with people
ideal looks
ideal writing

but nothing really cuts out
i dno how to do sia










sigh one bad thing about me is
i keep putting other;s emotions before my own,
damn it
and apparently i keep doing it the wrong way
God forgive me

OMG lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i am so dead seriously
hahaha
i need to eb adaptive to change






?HAHA i cannot cannot C?ANNOT wait till holidays
<3<3<3<3<3
i can SWIM
i can SHOP
i can paint my nails with pertty colours
i can go learn how to drive
i can go and play
i can go volunteer at church
i could look for a tutee
i can continue my piano lesson <3

OMG lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i am so dead seriously
hahaha
i need to eb adaptive to change






?HAHA i cannot cannot C?ANNOT wait till holidays
<3<3<3<3<3
i can SWIM
i can SHOP
i can paint my nails with pertty colours
i can go learn how to drive
i can go and play
i can go volunteer at church
i could look for a tutee
i can continue my piano lesson <3

dear blog
within a span of a seven days
things have happened
i dont know if i am going nuts
but i think i really am,,
omg..............................................
i did things which i may not be prouc of ?
i did things which i may regret
sigh
but i take a risk
dangerous risk i guess,
i ought to die lah
sighh

phew
slight case of PDA and there were phones whipping out- - - - -
if word gets out i m dead.
let alone do i know how to properly handle a situation like that
hahaha



tsk tsk tsk....
i am so tired i just want to sleep

dear blog i really need to control myself
i pray for forgiveness,.
everytim i feel shittier . always
haha






i hope i dont i just hope i dont haha!







OK DONT WORRY JUST FORGIVE AND MOVE ON
S......tupid

ive got three things to say
as much as i love "drugs" haha
abstaining from them would be best.




haha

ive got three things to say
as much as i love "drugs" haha
abstaining from them would be best.




haha

ive got three things to say
as much as i love "drugs" haha
abstaining from them would be best.




haha

sigh
unromantic
i dont like.

do you only start to get worried when i dont eat?

haha. apparently yes.

you know i always put the welfare of my heart over the welfare of my body. if my heart is not right, my body does not eat right. haha

haha every one else can tell that i was not right, but not you , cos you didn;t even look me in the eye.


you are so scary and weird at the same time,
one moment i know you know everything about me, i know you know everything , how i would feel if u did this, or did that. EVERything, and even if u knew, you tried to not break the promise and work your way around it . but it is different cos you can definitely feel it. right. its like doing things for the sake of doing andn ot becuase you really want to. haha i definitely could feel it, and that is what breaks my heart, or makes me so vulnerable. cos i know you could turn your back on me in one moment, you are so swift and fast when you do it, i dont really know how to respond always. haha but you always know my respoonse, i am so quick to give in always, i always qian jiu ren jia, i always make the effort to make things right, and i am always swift and persistent in that. haha a thing i always do when i quarrel with a friend. i am quick to want to make things right again i guess or i feel uneasy.


and precisely becuase one friend is so close to me that i am so vulnerablem because at any second i am so afraid that one will turn their backs on me and i would seriously just die on the spot. Haha i often pray that God take this feeling away, heal my broken heart. i often wonder how it is done, in the end sometiems just one action from the very person just makes things right again. but precisely how i tell you how weak i am to you. but love is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting him not to. i totally agree with this, and becuase you have a lot of power ( wow saying full power seems very ..kua zhang but.. haha) to do so, is just so scary.

like i always say. that the words of a quiet man is well treasured. at the same time the words frmo a quiet man is sometimes the scaries cos you never know what they are going to say or do next. unlike those who are overly expressive , you can read them like a book! HAHA like me. upset means upset lah so you can expect me to say something upsetting. but for someone quiet, you never know, and they wont spontaeously tell you cos its just not how they wish to operate sometimes

you know how i lvoe all my friends, i wouldnt want them to feel like shit, and perhaps cos i always spend my most effort on you, HAHA!


you say that its the way you get my attention, haha.. this explains so much, hhaha but you know how much it breaks my heart everytime you do that? haha,, but its ok, cos i am alright everytime you say its ok, but sometimes wounds run deep you know, haha and though it was unintentional, the wound has been made. haha. nwo i pray that the wound be gone u know.




hahaha,
all i can say is,
i dont know,
i really dont know how come ,
i dont know.
haha cos you freak me out so mcuh sometimes i become so scared. but at the same time u can make me feel safe haha strange feeling huh



it never knew how to read signs, i am so blur abou these things ,, i never knew. i always thought it was impossible.

now i think how can it be .haha really? what is the reason? haha. but i know you are so sincere about it. haha you have such funny taste.





but i always think that there is someone else 10 times better. i hope you find her. i hope you do, i hope you do, even before me, i will be ok,













i will remember, 4th , 9 . 12. i will remember.
haha why , in my kiddiest shirt of all times. haha







when you pull her close and tell her "you really think i want it like that?".
or when you tell her that youve never hugged another girl.. you say you want to tell her something, that really like her.

she could have killed you on the spot, for putting her through all these things, in fact she really wanted to.. .she had no idea, why would you do all these thigns if u really claimed that you did like her. haha why would you then, made all the signs so confusing to read. haha one word gives the answer. attention.

why dont you then, talk to her or keep in contact with her. why dont you then, spend more time wih her, why dont you then, talk to her about everything ELSE under the sun. haha you scary thing. but you are a quiet man, haha then now i realise that it would be so unnatural for you to do so. haha thats funny, maybe cos when you text its weird. but so strange shes the one who talks to you first, calls you first. texts you first. message you online first, says your name first. haha do you like her cos shes the first who is so persistent to talk to you? wow now it sounds like she was throwing herself at you . but no ,haha i highly doubt that, she is so friendly, how is that even possible. and she knew that you were oob, she wouldnt do that for the wrong intentions.


haha if i were you i would think she is so annoying, haha who knew that you thought otherwise. haha and to think , its more than one year ago . one year. wow. and one year ago, she was so upset. why weren;t you around? .. haha cos you are soooooo interesting. quiet, haha

and to think you barely even say her name, haha but it is nice when you say it , it is nice. haha



haha. . . .
shes like Bella swan, someone whom i really dislike. whilst watching how she was so helpless, lost, broken, WEAK, and pale, lifeless without edward. haha strange depiction cos it sounds exactly like her. almost the same situation, just that he is no vampire. haha.




as a general depiction, shes nice, shes friendly, easily stressed up, kancheong, annoyingly annoying, has a high freq voice that fluctuates, slow to understand, simple minded... and shes so many things which you dont know she is , imean i totally dont know why you would like her. thats why i say you have such strange taste. haha, and wow i ask myself, actually i cant give a reason why you are unlikeable . only one thing when you get moody. not fun you only hurt others when you are hurt, you alwyays do that , and others is only ONE person. haha which is her.. haha


total opposites right.



for a moment i cannot let you go, i dont know, woudl you suddenly leave. would you. i dont know, because i dont know, becuase of all the uncertainty, that is why i really dont know. but after you know everything, you said you would treat her better. haha wow, i really hope so.



haha, you are so nice to respect her in .. well a way. just a uniquely you way, its very interesting. haha.












but one thing still stands. what does Go say about it ? haha, i wish i knew God even better, i with i knew what He thought, what He says, but needless to say, God breaks my heart whenever i really want ot hear Him, i can't. i dont know how,,or therer are things about God which i still dont know how . How do i trust God in things like that? haha. i try to see how God has blessed me in my life, haha but i dont know how to identify it . is it becuase i am too myopic? that i also cannot see these things, or that i ddont have a heart that is thankful enough. God i want to know you so much better. i wish i can hear you, i really do, my birthday wish, everything , i made the same wish 3 times. three times.



yup.
anyway, still young, and we dont know what holds. im still immature in so many ways, and as i say;; 나도나를 잘 모르겠다. i wouldn't expect anyone else to know me better than myself. that would be so dangerous. haha



bendan. lets wait and see, two must not let a relationship be driven by lust,keeping arelationship pure and take it slowly,. a desired direction to go / // haha





anyway its a holiday, time to rest, then time to chiong.
bye~~ gonna take my first bite in two days. haha

dear blog
so today, 4th november is a pretty eventful and dramatic day for me





hmm i can;t really say much but all i know is , now at least i know where it stands.HAHA


dies on the spot : (

: )

hello,


im a fool lah.
haha if i fall in love i would be so dead. i think. i dont have time for such things.
sigh blog i really hav no life
haha




bye

dear blog
i am currently ADjusting values for my report.. cos
umm haha

mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn i ndo what to do!!!!
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh







sigh,
i deserve to be shot

hi blog,
i really deserve to die,
here i am, kpying this ,,,, thingggggg and not undeerstanding what is going on ,
secondly i hav no idea what is happening in school work
and thirdly i just know how to whine like some idiotic 4 yearold


i am annoying myself
and i respect them for being able to take meeeeeee HAHA
annoying idiot.









totally. - -..
kk : ) time for reportign!

hi blog


i seriously deserve to die.
period.

hahaa
im listening to baby3oh by bieber now, haha
actualyl it sounds so funny and catchy, makes me laugh <3 ..




anyhoos gonna do webcast! enough slacking : )




HAHA~ <3,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ma,nnnn osmetimes we tread dangerous ground
thriller.

Profile

kky★
Irony.

Materialgirl.

Exits

Eefennie
name name name

Lengthy essays

October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011

Credits

designed by lil.queens
photos: bexidaisy on DA
host: imageshack & imeem
inspiration & lyrics: TLG
title script source unknown.