Thursday, November 4, 2010
do you only start to get worried when i dont eat?
haha. apparently yes.
you know i always put the welfare of my heart over the welfare of my body. if my heart is not right, my body does not eat right. haha
haha every one else can tell that i was not right, but not you , cos you didn;t even look me in the eye.
you are so scary and weird at the same time,
one moment i know you know everything about me, i know you know everything , how i would feel if u did this, or did that. EVERything, and even if u knew, you tried to not break the promise and work your way around it . but it is different cos you can definitely feel it. right. its like doing things for the sake of doing andn ot becuase you really want to. haha i definitely could feel it, and that is what breaks my heart, or makes me so vulnerable. cos i know you could turn your back on me in one moment, you are so swift and fast when you do it, i dont really know how to respond always. haha but you always know my respoonse, i am so quick to give in always, i always qian jiu ren jia, i always make the effort to make things right, and i am always swift and persistent in that. haha a thing i always do when i quarrel with a friend. i am quick to want to make things right again i guess or i feel uneasy.
and precisely becuase one friend is so close to me that i am so vulnerablem because at any second i am so afraid that one will turn their backs on me and i would seriously just die on the spot. Haha i often pray that God take this feeling away, heal my broken heart. i often wonder how it is done, in the end sometiems just one action from the very person just makes things right again. but precisely how i tell you how weak i am to you. but love is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting him not to. i totally agree with this, and becuase you have a lot of power ( wow saying full power seems very ..kua zhang but.. haha) to do so, is just so scary.
like i always say. that the words of a quiet man is well treasured. at the same time the words frmo a quiet man is sometimes the scaries cos you never know what they are going to say or do next. unlike those who are overly expressive , you can read them like a book! HAHA like me. upset means upset lah so you can expect me to say something upsetting. but for someone quiet, you never know, and they wont spontaeously tell you cos its just not how they wish to operate sometimes
you know how i lvoe all my friends, i wouldnt want them to feel like shit, and perhaps cos i always spend my most effort on you, HAHA!
you say that its the way you get my attention, haha.. this explains so much, hhaha but you know how much it breaks my heart everytime you do that? haha,, but its ok, cos i am alright everytime you say its ok, but sometimes wounds run deep you know, haha and though it was unintentional, the wound has been made. haha. nwo i pray that the wound be gone u know.
hahaha,
all i can say is,
i dont know,
i really dont know how come ,
i dont know.
haha cos you freak me out so mcuh sometimes i become so scared. but at the same time u can make me feel safe haha strange feeling huh
it never knew how to read signs, i am so blur abou these things ,, i never knew. i always thought it was impossible.
now i think how can it be .haha really? what is the reason? haha. but i know you are so sincere about it. haha you have such funny taste.
but i always think that there is someone else 10 times better. i hope you find her. i hope you do, i hope you do, even before me, i will be ok,
i will remember, 4th , 9 . 12. i will remember.
haha why , in my kiddiest shirt of all times. haha
when you pull her close and tell her "you really think i want it like that?".
or when you tell her that youve never hugged another girl.. you say you want to tell her something, that really like her.
she could have killed you on the spot, for putting her through all these things, in fact she really wanted to.. .she had no idea, why would you do all these thigns if u really claimed that you did like her. haha why would you then, made all the signs so confusing to read. haha one word gives the answer. attention.
why dont you then, talk to her or keep in contact with her. why dont you then, spend more time wih her, why dont you then, talk to her about everything ELSE under the sun. haha you scary thing. but you are a quiet man, haha then now i realise that it would be so unnatural for you to do so. haha thats funny, maybe cos when you text its weird. but so strange shes the one who talks to you first, calls you first. texts you first. message you online first, says your name first. haha do you like her cos shes the first who is so persistent to talk to you? wow now it sounds like she was throwing herself at you . but no ,haha i highly doubt that, she is so friendly, how is that even possible. and she knew that you were oob, she wouldnt do that for the wrong intentions.
haha if i were you i would think she is so annoying, haha who knew that you thought otherwise. haha and to think , its more than one year ago . one year. wow. and one year ago, she was so upset. why weren;t you around? .. haha cos you are soooooo interesting. quiet, haha
and to think you barely even say her name, haha but it is nice when you say it , it is nice. haha
haha. . . .
shes like Bella swan, someone whom i really dislike. whilst watching how she was so helpless, lost, broken, WEAK, and pale, lifeless without edward. haha strange depiction cos it sounds exactly like her. almost the same situation, just that he is no vampire. haha.
as a general depiction, shes nice, shes friendly, easily stressed up, kancheong, annoyingly annoying, has a high freq voice that fluctuates, slow to understand, simple minded... and shes so many things which you dont know she is , imean i totally dont know why you would like her. thats why i say you have such strange taste. haha, and wow i ask myself, actually i cant give a reason why you are unlikeable . only one thing when you get moody. not fun you only hurt others when you are hurt, you alwyays do that , and others is only ONE person. haha which is her.. haha
total opposites right.
for a moment i cannot let you go, i dont know, woudl you suddenly leave. would you. i dont know, because i dont know, becuase of all the uncertainty, that is why i really dont know. but after you know everything, you said you would treat her better. haha wow, i really hope so.
haha, you are so nice to respect her in .. well a way. just a uniquely you way, its very interesting. haha.
but one thing still stands. what does Go say about it ? haha, i wish i knew God even better, i with i knew what He thought, what He says, but needless to say, God breaks my heart whenever i really want ot hear Him, i can't. i dont know how,,or therer are things about God which i still dont know how . How do i trust God in things like that? haha. i try to see how God has blessed me in my life, haha but i dont know how to identify it . is it becuase i am too myopic? that i also cannot see these things, or that i ddont have a heart that is thankful enough. God i want to know you so much better. i wish i can hear you, i really do, my birthday wish, everything , i made the same wish 3 times. three times.
yup.
anyway, still young, and we dont know what holds. im still immature in so many ways, and as i say;; 나도나를 잘 모르겠다. i wouldn't expect anyone else to know me better than myself. that would be so dangerous. haha
bendan. lets wait and see, two must not let a relationship be driven by lust,keeping arelationship pure and take it slowly,. a desired direction to go / // haha
anyway its a holiday, time to rest, then time to chiong.
bye~~ gonna take my first bite in two days. haha
haha. apparently yes.
you know i always put the welfare of my heart over the welfare of my body. if my heart is not right, my body does not eat right. haha
haha every one else can tell that i was not right, but not you , cos you didn;t even look me in the eye.
you are so scary and weird at the same time,
one moment i know you know everything about me, i know you know everything , how i would feel if u did this, or did that. EVERything, and even if u knew, you tried to not break the promise and work your way around it . but it is different cos you can definitely feel it. right. its like doing things for the sake of doing andn ot becuase you really want to. haha i definitely could feel it, and that is what breaks my heart, or makes me so vulnerable. cos i know you could turn your back on me in one moment, you are so swift and fast when you do it, i dont really know how to respond always. haha but you always know my respoonse, i am so quick to give in always, i always qian jiu ren jia, i always make the effort to make things right, and i am always swift and persistent in that. haha a thing i always do when i quarrel with a friend. i am quick to want to make things right again i guess or i feel uneasy.
and precisely becuase one friend is so close to me that i am so vulnerablem because at any second i am so afraid that one will turn their backs on me and i would seriously just die on the spot. Haha i often pray that God take this feeling away, heal my broken heart. i often wonder how it is done, in the end sometiems just one action from the very person just makes things right again. but precisely how i tell you how weak i am to you. but love is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting him not to. i totally agree with this, and becuase you have a lot of power ( wow saying full power seems very ..kua zhang but.. haha) to do so, is just so scary.
like i always say. that the words of a quiet man is well treasured. at the same time the words frmo a quiet man is sometimes the scaries cos you never know what they are going to say or do next. unlike those who are overly expressive , you can read them like a book! HAHA like me. upset means upset lah so you can expect me to say something upsetting. but for someone quiet, you never know, and they wont spontaeously tell you cos its just not how they wish to operate sometimes
you know how i lvoe all my friends, i wouldnt want them to feel like shit, and perhaps cos i always spend my most effort on you, HAHA!
you say that its the way you get my attention, haha.. this explains so much, hhaha but you know how much it breaks my heart everytime you do that? haha,, but its ok, cos i am alright everytime you say its ok, but sometimes wounds run deep you know, haha and though it was unintentional, the wound has been made. haha. nwo i pray that the wound be gone u know.
hahaha,
all i can say is,
i dont know,
i really dont know how come ,
i dont know.
haha cos you freak me out so mcuh sometimes i become so scared. but at the same time u can make me feel safe haha strange feeling huh
it never knew how to read signs, i am so blur abou these things ,, i never knew. i always thought it was impossible.
now i think how can it be .haha really? what is the reason? haha. but i know you are so sincere about it. haha you have such funny taste.
but i always think that there is someone else 10 times better. i hope you find her. i hope you do, i hope you do, even before me, i will be ok,
i will remember, 4th , 9 . 12. i will remember.
haha why , in my kiddiest shirt of all times. haha
when you pull her close and tell her "you really think i want it like that?".
or when you tell her that youve never hugged another girl.. you say you want to tell her something, that really like her.
she could have killed you on the spot, for putting her through all these things, in fact she really wanted to.. .she had no idea, why would you do all these thigns if u really claimed that you did like her. haha why would you then, made all the signs so confusing to read. haha one word gives the answer. attention.
why dont you then, talk to her or keep in contact with her. why dont you then, spend more time wih her, why dont you then, talk to her about everything ELSE under the sun. haha you scary thing. but you are a quiet man, haha then now i realise that it would be so unnatural for you to do so. haha thats funny, maybe cos when you text its weird. but so strange shes the one who talks to you first, calls you first. texts you first. message you online first, says your name first. haha do you like her cos shes the first who is so persistent to talk to you? wow now it sounds like she was throwing herself at you . but no ,haha i highly doubt that, she is so friendly, how is that even possible. and she knew that you were oob, she wouldnt do that for the wrong intentions.
haha if i were you i would think she is so annoying, haha who knew that you thought otherwise. haha and to think , its more than one year ago . one year. wow. and one year ago, she was so upset. why weren;t you around? .. haha cos you are soooooo interesting. quiet, haha
and to think you barely even say her name, haha but it is nice when you say it , it is nice. haha
haha. . . .
shes like Bella swan, someone whom i really dislike. whilst watching how she was so helpless, lost, broken, WEAK, and pale, lifeless without edward. haha strange depiction cos it sounds exactly like her. almost the same situation, just that he is no vampire. haha.
as a general depiction, shes nice, shes friendly, easily stressed up, kancheong, annoyingly annoying, has a high freq voice that fluctuates, slow to understand, simple minded... and shes so many things which you dont know she is , imean i totally dont know why you would like her. thats why i say you have such strange taste. haha, and wow i ask myself, actually i cant give a reason why you are unlikeable . only one thing when you get moody. not fun you only hurt others when you are hurt, you alwyays do that , and others is only ONE person. haha which is her.. haha
total opposites right.
for a moment i cannot let you go, i dont know, woudl you suddenly leave. would you. i dont know, because i dont know, becuase of all the uncertainty, that is why i really dont know. but after you know everything, you said you would treat her better. haha wow, i really hope so.
haha, you are so nice to respect her in .. well a way. just a uniquely you way, its very interesting. haha.
but one thing still stands. what does Go say about it ? haha, i wish i knew God even better, i with i knew what He thought, what He says, but needless to say, God breaks my heart whenever i really want ot hear Him, i can't. i dont know how,,or therer are things about God which i still dont know how . How do i trust God in things like that? haha. i try to see how God has blessed me in my life, haha but i dont know how to identify it . is it becuase i am too myopic? that i also cannot see these things, or that i ddont have a heart that is thankful enough. God i want to know you so much better. i wish i can hear you, i really do, my birthday wish, everything , i made the same wish 3 times. three times.
yup.
anyway, still young, and we dont know what holds. im still immature in so many ways, and as i say;; 나도나를 잘 모르겠다. i wouldn't expect anyone else to know me better than myself. that would be so dangerous. haha
bendan. lets wait and see, two must not let a relationship be driven by lust,keeping arelationship pure and take it slowly,. a desired direction to go / // haha
anyway its a holiday, time to rest, then time to chiong.
bye~~ gonna take my first bite in two days. haha
what we could have been, 5:37 PM.
